How to get a man back after a breakup

Typically, there are three outcomes to a break up, you can initiate the break, he can end it or you can both agree that you need to go your separate ways. This page is going to focus solely on the women who initiated the break up. So, the ideal person for this page would be a woman who wants to get her boyfriend back after breaking up with him.

Or, you might just be considering the prospect, still unsure if your ex boyfriend is worth the trouble.

There are a lot of possible breakup scenarios that can unfold. These situations can involve someone who broke up with their ex boyfriend and now he won’t talk to her, thus making her efforts to make up and move forward nearly impossible.  It can involve a girl who says she ended it and now wants him back.

It can also involve situations in which the  girl is experiencing great pain and confusion: “I broke up with him, but it hurts and I don’t know what to do.” Or it could involve a woman who is struggling with her ex lashing out at here, “my ex boyfriend hates me because I left him. I never thought it would come to this”.

Broken spirits and broken hearts are things that are not new to the dating scene. Yet when it happens to you and you are struggling with whether your boyfriend still loves you or if he misses you, it can be heartbreaking, particularly if you think you may had made a mistake. You may have acted rashly, too swiftly to end it with him and now the regret of your decision haunts you.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend To Forgive You For Breaking Up With Him?

Before I get going there are a few things that I feel are really important to mention. First off, while I am going to do my very best to give you a winning strategy for getting your ex back, even if you did the breaking up, I want you to know it is possible your boyfriend will just move on.  Sometimes the damage of the being dumped by your girlfriend is so overwhelming, the act of feeling betrayed just becomes too much to overcome.

But most of the time, the pain eventually subsides, the emotions settle down, and cooler heads prevail with a couple finding their way back to each other.

S0 if you are looking for a way to improve your chances, you are in luck as I just updated this page that will literally break everything down for you step by step and teach you how to get your ex boyfriend back. You are going to get the short version and the longer version.

Oh, and FYI, it is going to take you some time to read this post completely from start to finish!  Be sure to follow all the links as they will help with those nagging questions you might have about whether you can really convince your ex to forgive you for breaking up with him.

And a Reminder! Make no mistake, your ex boyfriend is going to be pretty hurt.  Your ex bf is also going to be awful mad at you too for getting dumped, especially if this sort of thing has never happened to him before.  So read up on everything my friend to give yourself the best chance.

Are You Ready To Learn the Latest Tips on How To Get Your Ex Back If You Dumped Him!

So you ended it with your ex boyfriend.  It was time to end things you thought.  Your ex had given you plenty of reasons to break up, so that is what happened.  Whatever crap he was putting through, you decided you had enough.  It’s over, you told him.  He sure didn’t like being the one dumped.  But now you are through with him.

At least that is what you thought at the time.  But now things have changed.

Lucky for you, I just updated this post and have included some new tips and ideas. So we are going to get to that right now!

Then a bit later, I would like to talk to you further about your reasons for breaking up with your ex boyfriend in the first place.   We will go over the common causes and reasons why you decided to dump him.  I also think we should also talk about whether you are truly making the right decision in trying to get him back.

But look, I know you may have landed here wanting to grab some ideas about how you can set things straight with your ex.  So I am going to give you a little mini plan on just how you do that.  Then we will talk about the other breakup stuff to make sure you are connected with why you left him in the first place and why you think he is worth getting back.

Deal?

Deal!

9 Proven Steps To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If You Are the One That Caused the Breakup

At this point, I am going to assume you are in a hurry to hear what you should do.  Let’s say you broke up (ended it with your ex) and now you want him back. Maybe you acted rashly.  Maybe he even has a new girlfriend now  Sounds like a near impossible situation, doesn’t it?  Well, it’s not.  He could be in a rebound.  I know it hurts in ways you can’t even describe.  And I know you still love him are you wouldn’t be here.

So let’s get right down to it.

1.  Allow For Some Time To Go By Before You Try To Make Any Serious Effort To Re-establish Contact With Your Ex.

Chances are that he is upset, angry, and resentful for getting dumped.  Whatever the cause, it clearly ended badly and since you are the one that let him go, his predominant feeling will be one of anger and rejection.  So you don’t want to walk into a firestorm of your ex boyfriend’s wrath. Some time needs to elapse for things to settle down

2. You Need To Give Yourself a Chance To Reevaluate Whether Your Really Want Him Back

You broke up with your ex boyfriend for a reason.  Maybe you ended things with him for good cause.  So it’s not unusual for you to have conflicted feelings about what has happened to the relationship. So be careful about fully trusting your judgement at this stage.  You might have a panic attack, fearing you made an awful mistake.  The sheer pain of separation may be weighing on you, thus creating doubts in your mind if you did the right thing to leave your ex boyfriend.  He may have begged and pleaded for you not to go through with breakup and now you are feeling guilty.  So you need to allow yourself time to process all of this and make sure you don’t cycle right back into the mess that caused you to leave him in the first place.

3. Even If You Initiated the Breakup, Implement a Brief No Contact Rule Period

In most cases, even if you are the one that precipitated the  split up, it is best to observe a No Contact period. I would recommend a shorter No Contact period (2-3 weeks).  It will help you to get more centered and experience some healing and allow your ex boyfriend to calm down and potentially become more receptive to your efforts.  There is much you can accomplish during the NC period to rebuild attraction.  It’s there in your ex boyfriend, but it might need some nurturing to bring out and there are tactics you can use to show him you are out there still available.  During this period there is subtle messaging you can use to convey to your ex boyfriend that you may have acted hastily or you have gained a greater  appreciation of what he means to you.

4. Test The Waters – Send Your Ex Boyfriend a First Contact Text Message

At some stage, if you have not already heard from your ex boyfriend, then you want to put a plan in place to make first contact with him.  This can be accomplished by way of a text.  Think of sending him a message that is going to strike a chord because it is friendly and inviting him to respond.  Check my website for examples.

5. Rebuild Trust Though Texting Over Time

Remember, your ex boyfriend may still feel quite insecure about talking to you.  There will be a part of him that wants to protect his own feelings, avoiding any future disappointment. Your ex may also still be harboring some angry feelings and has yet to work through them.  Those resentments may come out in different ways.  He may be moody, saying one thing, then later retracing.  Texting may be irregular.  So for these reasons and more, just think of this as a process and be patient and understanding of any volatile behavior coming from your ex boyfriend.    But at some point, you need to graduate from texting to a face to face meeting so you can take the next step of winning over his confidence.

6. Set up a Meetup With Your Ex to Restore and Repair the Relationship Foundation

Try to arrange to meet with your ex someplace public and informal.  Keep it casual like a lunch or a coffee.  Don’t make it a date or anything that puts pressure on you both to jell.  He may not be ready for that.  Or he might want to badly talk about the relationship. Just steer him away from it, telling him there will be time for that.  Tell him, “lets just enjoy each other now”.  Don’t show up with an apology in hand or ask your ex boyfriend to forgive you for breaking up with him.  Getting into those discussions starts off the encounter with a negative and swings the conversation to relationship type of talk, and you want to steer away from that.  So avoid talking at this stage about the problem that triggered the breakup.  Take the time to simply enjoy each other. It could take your ex some time to learn to trust you again, so don’t rush things. I recommend that you both resume the relationship as if you were first dating each other gain, getting to know each other again.

7. Don’t Rush Right Back To Normal Routines

Things are not normal and won’t be for awhile.  So don’t pretend that it can all go back to normal.  While your ex boyfriend and you may love each other very much, you need to allow for your feelings to be calmed and trust to be restored. Past negative memories and grievances may be ready to spring out as they linger just below the surface.

8. Jointly Discuss What Must Change For You Both To Be a Successful Couple

After some time, it will be evident that the two of you have largely forgiven each other for whatever went on in the past. You and your ex will find joy and comfort in being in each other presence.  So when the signs of your connection are consistently positive, then you both need to talk about what you can do to avoid the issues that triggered the breakup from happening again.  Jointly come up with a plan and agreement on what you are going to do going forward to prevent conflict, confusion, or misunderstandings.  You want to make a vow that you both will do more or less of whatever is needed to keep a  breakup from happening again.  Write down what you both agree to.  Make a vow that you will honor this plan.  Do something to symbolize your commitment.

9. Celebrate Your Renewed Commitment

Once you have gotten this far in restoring the vitality back into the relationship with your ex, do something together to celebrate how important it is that you are both back together again. Cement this new commitment with something that symbolizes your new start as a couple.

5 Common Reasons Why YOU Broke Up With Him

There are a lot of different reasons that women break up with men (some being their fault). I feel it is important to understand these reasons because it will let you know if your ex is really worth trying to get back. I know right after the breakup, your emotions will be pulled in all sorts of directions.  Part of you wants to stand by your decision to end it.  Another part of you will have this sudden panicky feeling that you have done something awful for which you will never recover.

So you will likely have a bundle of confused thoughts and some of them may lead you right back to a potentially toxic situation.  So be aware of that.

I don’t say this to you as a blanket statement that going back to your ex boyfriend will never work out.  That is not necessarily true. But I want to help you and sometimes helping someone is telling them that their ex may not worth going back to.

So, here is how this is going to work. I am going to list some of the most common reasons that women break up with their boyfriends and give my thoughts on each of them. Lets take a look at our reasons:

• You believed there is someone else better for you (other fish in the sea)
• You were worried or convinced that your ex was cheating on you (but it turns out he wasn’t)
• He actually did cheat on you.
• As time went on you became less and less attracted to your ex boyfriend
• There was a huge fight that resulted in a breakup.

1. You Thought You Could Do Better.

At some point in your relationship you thought you could do better. However, after the breakup you realized that you didn’t have it so bad and he was a more positive force in your life than you gave him credit for. This is a theme that is all too common among women so it is nothing to be ashamed of.  We can’t know all things and sometimes we need to other experiences to put our love lives in perspective.

While certain people might want to make you feel bad for feeling this way, I actually understand where you are coming from. I think everyone deserves to get the best they can in the relationship department. Now, I will say that if your ex treated you poorly (ex: physical abuse, mental abuse) please do not go back to them.

However, if they treated you OK then things are looking up. In fact, your ex boyfriend might welcome you back quite quickly. but don’t expect things to be smooth sailing right out of the gate.

2. You Were Worried Your Ex Was Cheating On You – But he Wasn’t

Look, I can massage your ego as much as possible to soften the blow on this one but you messed up. It never feels good to get blamed for something that isn’t true, especially from someone who is supposed to have your back. Nevertheless, you are going to have to work on your jealousy issues. I am not saying that you are wrong for being jealous. Actually, being jealous is natural and everybody who is in a serious relationship will feel it at some time. However, you are going to have to do a better job on dealing with it in the proper way.

3. They Actually Cheated On You.

I am going to be straight with you.  A lot of “experts” out there are going to preach forgiveness and I agree with them to a certain extent, but I disagree with the ones who don’t acknowledge that it is likely you aren’t going to have a happy ending with the person who cheated on you. So, I am not going to say anymore about this other than I don’t like cheating, but if you are considering getting back with this person, make sure you figure out if his cheating was an isolated incident or has happened frequently. If he cheated on you with other other girls, that doesn’t bode well. So you are looking for patterns.

4. You Became Less and Less Attracted To Them.

Have you ever heard the phrase, familiarity breeds contempt. That is partly what may have happened here. You were in a relationship so long with a person that everything they did (what they wore, how they talked, how they yawned) just got on your nerves and made them less attractive to you.  The newness and excitement may have worn off.  So you broke up with them but soon realized that they were the best boyfriend you ever had.  Now you want them back ASAP. Just know it is going to take some work, but you can definitely salvage the situation with the right ex recovery plan.

5. There Was a Huge Fight That Resulted in a Breakup.

If you have spent any time reading this site you may have noticed that I put together a page about legitimate reasons for wanting your ex boyfriend back. On that page I noted that one of the best reasons for wanting your ex back is if your relationship ended abruptly or impulsively as the result of a big fight. Fights aren’t ever a fun experience. However, you definitely have a shot at getting him back because with time and space, angry and upset feelings will slowly balance out and you both will start thinking rationally.

Is Your Reasoning For Wanting Your Ex Back Ok?

Now that I have listed some of the most common reasons that caused you to break up with your boyfriend.  It is time to do some soul searching and figure out if it is OK for you to actually take steps to getting him back.

In case you are wondering, I would not recommend that every woman visiting this site go back to their boyfriend. In my view, it is all about your happiness and sometimes going back to your ex, while it could make you happy in the short term, isn’t always the best choice. So, the next big step I want you to take is to take out a piece of paper and write a detailed explanation on why you want your ex back.

Writing this explanation down is important for a number of reasons. First off, it might allow you to take a more objective look at yourself. I know that when I write down an explanation like this, then take a break and later come back to read it, it will help me see the bigger picture.

I can sometimes have an epiphany like “what was I thinking.” Secondly, it is going to force you to figure out if you wanting your ex back is just an impulse at this moment or a much deeper feeling. Again, I highly recommend that you check out the legit reasons for wanting your ex back article. That page pretty much sums everything up.

What Are The Frequently Asked Questions About Getting An Ex Back You Dumped?

One thing I have learned is everybody has a story and each person’s is situation is unique.  Digging into the details and understanding the facts around the relationship and what led to the breakup blowup is important.  But knowing something about the history of the relationship also matters.  Let me give you taste of some of the frequently asked questions people have around this topic.

1. I broke up with my ex bf months ago and it still hurts and I regret doing it.  Has he moved on?

The real question is whether you have moved on.  Dumping your ex for the right or wrong answers will always leave you hurting.  You just can’t get away from it.  Think about it.  The two of you, despite whatever checkered past you may have had together, invested a lot into each other.  So in a way, you both are vested in each other and those feelings just don’t go away quickly.  So right now, think less about whether your ex has moved on, but focus on answering for yourself if you made the right decision and if you did, then focus on your self recovery.

2. I left my ex boyfriend and now he won’t talk to me.

This is not uncommon and there can be lots of reasons why this is happening. Remind yourself that if it is early in the breakup phase, it is probably best neither of you are talking.  Now there are always exceptions depending on the circumstances of the split up and your history together.  But you probably left your ex for a good reason and so your focus right now should be on healing and involving yourself in new healthy routines.

3. I had to end it with my ex bf because he was too emotionally abusive.  Lately he has been nicer to me.  Should I give him another chance?

I say no.  It your ex was consistently emotionally abusive, then it should take a lot more than a brief period of him being nice to you.  He is probably trying to seduce you back, but it may very well turn out to be a disappointing experience if you take him back.

4. I told my ex that it wasn’t working out for me and we ended the relationship.  He wants to start over, clean slate he says.  Should I try?

There is probably a good reason why you ended things in the first place.  It is not uncommon to have second thoughts and begin doubting yourself.  Take out a sheet of paper and write down all the things that caused you to break up with him.  Then write down all the things your ex bf is doing that make you really happy. Be honest with your appraisal of his strengths and weaknesses.  For your ex boyfriend to be a keeper, he should have far more positives than negatives.

5. I ended a long relationship with my boyfriend. Now he is seeing another girl, but keeps telling me he wants me back.  What should I do?

It can be hard to walk away from a relationship, even if it is not working out.  Your mind will churn over all the possibilities about whether you made a mistake or acted too hastily.  But trust in yourself. If you have been with a guy for a long time and you finally ended things, then unless it was a rash and impulsive decision, you probably ended things for really good reasons.  So honor your decision and recognize that the jealousy you feel about him being with this other girl is natural.  But ask yourself, does it change anything about him that you don’t already know.  Most likely, you have your ex boyfriend pegged correctly because you have had plenty of time to evaluate the relationship.

The Get Your Ex Back Strategy

A few months ago I had an idea. You see, at that point I was getting a lot of emails from women every single day asking for step by step plans to get their exes back under all kinds of circumstances, just like we are talking about here (i.e. getting him back after you let him go).

While I am always happy to help them out with getting your ex boyfriend back after they ditched their ex, it is such a complicated subject.  So there is no way for me to describe, in detail, how to do it correctly in a short email or post . So, I came up with an idea.

I was going to create a step by step guide that I could point to any time someone wanted the exact process of getting an ex back. Well, the Guide took multiple months for me to write but I am so happy I did it because it has helped so many women already (seen here.)