Why do I zone out when someone is talking to me

Anyone else zone out during conversations? from socialanxiety

‘Zoning out’ or ‘spacing out’ are common ways of talking about a formal psychological phenomenon: dissociation.

Dissociation is when you lose touch from your

• train of thought (common)
• memories (less common, usually due to stress or trauma)
• senses (like in depersonalization and dissociative disorders such as DID and OSDD)

Why do people dissociate (aka zone out)?

Zoning out may be connected to stress. Experts like Stephen Porges have theorized that dissociation is one step past our usual fight-or-flight responses. When your mind feels overwhelmed, whether you recognize it or not, your body may bypass fight or flight, going directly to the ‘freeze’ reaction–what we call zoning out or dissociation.

When you’re zoned out, dissociated, or frozen, it’s because your body thinks survival depends on escaping your own thoughts or shutting down.

Everyone’s brain works differently, creating different triggers for dissociation. A person can tune out in a variety of non-traumatic situations, like ones that involve “highly focused attention, or repetitive, low stimulation experiences, or even strong and emotionally evocative events.”

During “emotionally evocative events” young people especially may use dissociation as coping mechanism due to feeling threatened. Dissociation is considered an adaptive (helpful) response to abuse, violence, chaos, and dysfunction, especially in childhood. That’s when most of us pick up our zoning out habits.

What does dissociation feel like?

Everyday examples of dissociation can range from forgetfulness, to daydreaming, to your mind going completely blank, to having an out of body experience.

Studies have shown that “every area of the brain has a decrease in activation during dissociation.” When you’re zoning out, your brain might feel like it goes “offline.” In more extreme cases, it becomes harder to move or speak, and your emotions can become numbed.

When dissociating, you can feel disconnected from your surroundings, get a sense that the world around you doesn’t feel real, or even feel like you’re observing yourself from the outside looking in.

From other people’s perspectives, you might have glazed eyes, or look like you’re staring off into space.

A response to mental or emotional overwhelm

One article describes dissociation like a computer that reaches overload for input and then has to shut down for a bit to reboot itself. While the ‘computer’, your brain, is rebooting, you can feel like you’re in a fog.

One person described a more intense dissociative experience in a swimming pool, where they could no longer feel the water around them. They saw that people were talking around them, but they couldn’t understand what anyone was saying; they were focused on how they didn’t feel wet.

Then, they went on to explain how it felt: “Physically, I feel floaty. My skin tingles and I feel outside myself—like someone observing myself observing what I’m in front of. I don’t feel solid, but as if I’m above or next to what is happening. I’ve been told that my face goes blank and I don’t blink very often, and I sometimes get a distant look in my eye.”

Who feels zoned out? How common is dissociation?

Dissociation can happen to anyone, regardless of age, race, ethnicity, or socioeconomic background. Dissociation feels and looks different to each person, but is generally pretty common.

Mental Health America lists mild dissociation as extremely common: “like daydreaming or getting ‘lost’ in a book.” Dissociation is often so low-key, that you wouldn’t even notice you (or someone else) spaced out.

For those who do notice their dissociation, Mental Health America mentions that almost one-third of people say they have felt like they were watching themselves in a movie while zoning out, and 4% of those people feel this way as much as one third of their lives.

Almost half of all adults in the United States “experience at least one depersonalization/derealization episode in their lives.” And even on the more extreme end of the spectrum, dissociative disorders can still be relatively widespread. Dissociative Identity Disorder is seen at a rate of 1 in 70, and while less noticeable, OSDD occurs in about 8% of the population.

Occasionally daydreaming or spacing out is completely normal, but when the dissociation starts interfering with everyday life, you might want to consider reaching out for help.

What to do when you’re zoning out too much

Sometimes, zoning out is healthy and can give you a chance to chill for a little bit. It gives your mind time to relax and digest info you’ve taken in.

There are things you can try, however, if dissociation starts to disable you.

Grounding techniques can be used to anchor you back into reality. Examples of these techniques involve focusing on your sensory environment. You might:

For a couple more suggestions, techniques as simple as listening to your favorite song, snapping a hair tie on your wrist, or writing down your to-do list can also help bring you back to reality.

Therapy is a necessary part of healing for dissociative disorders like DID and OSDD. Use this guide to help find a therapist.

There will also always be people at Supportiv who understand what zoning out feels like. Talking to others going through the same things can help you accept what’s going on, so it’s easier to tackle.

Sharing with peers can also give you ideas. Ask how they cope, or how they come back to the here-and-now when zoning out too much.

Written By: Anisha Makhija June 01, 2022

By: Victor Jeg

by Andrea Blundell

We can all ‘space out’ now and then. We get to work and realise we haven’t noticed a thing we walked past. Or find we are have mindlessly eaten our way through the entire pack of biscuits.

And when big life change comes, again, it’s a normal response to feel overwhelmed. Anyone who has lost their job, or lost a loved one, knows that days can roll together in a sort of fog.

But what if you zone out more often then most? If you constantly find that at the very moment you need to be sharp-witted or share your feelings, you are lost in the clouds? And unable to come down?

Then you could be suffering a more serious psychological response called ‘dissociation’.

What is dissociation?

Dissociation is when instead of staying present in the face of stress you exit your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations and zone out. It’s considered a defence mechanism in psychoanalytic theory.

By: Andrea Rose

And what is a defence mechanism? They are coping methods we develop as children to handle difficult situations and feel less pain.

When it works and when it doesn’t

Dissociation, for example, is actually a very smart tactic for a child growing up in a stressful environment. Connected to the brain’s primal ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ stress response, the child must choose ‘freeze’ as they are too young and vulnerable to run off. And they obviously can’t fight against an adult. They go numb, floating away from their thoughts and feelings.

Of course the problem comes when we pull dissociation, so useful as a child, into our adult lives. Going blank when your partner wants a serious discussion. Or feeling like you are floating out of your body when your boss asks your opinion on a merger in a board meeting. Not so useful.

That very coping mechanism that got you through childhood? Left unrecognised will sabotage your adult life and leave you mired in shame, feeeling misunderstood, and even unable to reach your potential.

What does dissociation look like? Signs to watch for

Notice if you often:

• feel ‘spacey’, ‘floaty’, or like your brain is ‘foggy’
• get sleepy whenever life gets challenging
• are told you are really calm under stress, but the truth is you are just numb
• find that the more stressful a situation, the less you can think clearly
• can have a sense you are watching your life instead of in it, as if life is a movie you are watching
• find it difficult to know when people ask how you’re feeling
• notice others often get frustrated as they think you aren’t listening
• can have delayed reactions. What you really wanted to say or do in a situation makes sens a day or several days later, but very rarely in the moment
• even feel disconnected from your body, as if you aren’t quite in it
• easily overlook important details and forget moments.

Why me? How dissociation develops

By: Shelby Steward

Again, dissociation develops when you are young and need a way to escape feeling threatened.

Of all defence mechanisms, dissociation is the one most related to trauma.

Most children who suffered abuse, either sexual abuse, physical abuse, or emotional abuse, develop the habit of dissociation. Children growing up in violent or unstable environments are also common candidates, such as children of addicts.

The dangers of dissociating all the time

Why does it matter if you tend to ‘vacate the premises’ when life gets a bit too demanding? There are several reasons to be concerned. It can mean that you:

• miss opportunities as others think you aren’t interested when you are
• find others see you as cool and aloof when you really aren’t
• miss out on the chance to communicate how you really feel
• upset others by not being responsive when they need you to be
• don’t actually process your reactions and emotions but repress them
• experience depression and anxiety
• see your relationships suffer, leaving you dealing with loneliness
• can under-perform in life if you disassociate too much
• can settle for unhealthy relationships and situations because you overlook reality and details.

When is it a personality disorder?

And, if your dissociation goes unrecognised and unresolved and you then experience more life trauma? There is a higher risk of developing a more serious dissociative disorder, such as multiple personality disorder or depersonalisation-derealisation disorder .

These can include symptoms like not recognising yourself in the mirror, feeling like your body isn’t part of you, or feeling like you are more than one person.

What can I do if this is me?

Defence mechanisms tend to be so second nature it can be hard to even notice when they start and end. Writing a journal in the evening can be helpful. Where in the day did you dissociate? What do you really feel and think now, compared to what you thought you did when zoned out?

It’s suggested dissociation is also connected to the nervous system. It’s as if your body is a computer that reaches overload for input, then just shuts down. It is possible that those with traumatic childhoods would be more likely to have a sensitive nervous system that overloads. Jumpiness is a major symptom of PTSD, for example.

So work to find ways to ground and calm yourself. This might be taking up mindfulness meditation, or yoga, or trying visualisation techniques that help you feel centred.

Can therapy stop me being so dissociated?

A counsellor or psychotherapist can be quite necessary to truly break the pattern of dissociation. He or she can make sure you have the support and safe environment necessary to navigate past painful experiences, and try new and more effective behaviours.

Harley Therapy only offers therapists who have at minimum five-year clinical experience, and provides therapists worldwide via Skype counselling.

Do you have a question about dissociation we haven’t answered? Ask below in the comment box.