Why am I mean to my boyfriend Reddit

My boyfriend(21) and I(20) have been together for more than six years. We were in a long distance relationship for about four years and then he moved to the city I live in. We have had our ups and downs but what we have been certain on from the start was that we were meant for each other. The issue is that since my boyfriend moved to my city I have started acting differently. I can get very moody for no apparent reason. I get really mean sometimes and I don't realize it until hours later or until I see that I have upset my boyfriend. He is auch a sweetheart about it. He waits until I calm down to talk to me about how I hurt him and let me realize how my behaviour is wrong. He never treats me with disrespect. I decided to go to therapy but it was no use. They literally told me that I know what I need to know and don't really need therapy. I have noticed that I get moodier when I haven't gotten enough sleep but I realize this is no excuse. I started a journal where I write all of the ways I want to improve my behaviour and I have to say that it is MUCH better than before but at times I just don't act like myself and regret it later. Examples of my behaviour would be getting mad for something small that he says , even a joke sometimes and then making him apologize; or feeling bad about something and just finding the smallest thing that he does wrong so I can tell him that he's made me feel bad and again making him apologize. I don't yell at him nor call him names or anything like that but I make him feel guilty sometimes when there is no reason for it. I don't want him to feel unsafe or uncomfortable around me but my 'healing process' as we've come to call it has been going on for too long now and I just really want to treat him with the same respect that he treats me. I should add that I don't behave like that all the time, it does not even happen that often. We are usually extremely affectionate and loving, however, I know what it's like to live in an abusive environment with manipulative people and the anticipation of the storm is no better than the storm itself. I really don't want to make him feel this way and I would really appreciate it if you could give me some advice on how to better myself. How do I stop myself from doing this when I don't even realize I am wrong at the time I am doing it? Also, please don't be rude, I know I am wrong and all I want to do is find a way to be a better person for my favorite human.

Thank you!

I’ve been finding myself getting angry over little things with him and starting fights. I’ve been manipulative and rude and I feel bad for the effect it probably has on him. He’s told me I’m not showing I’m interested in him sexually, and as much as I want to say he’s wrong he’s right. It’s not that I don’t find him attractive, I think he’s sexy and loving and amazing, it’s more so that I think I’ve been holding resentments against him and I don’t know why in my head that makes me not as turned on. The beginning was so nice and we were both so into each other and cute, but now it’s like we both start fights and when I’m not being mean he’s being mean. It’s hard because I see my part in it and I wonder if maybe I change my ways that he’ll change too? I know it sounds crazy, but I think I love him. But he’s manipulative and hurtful to me also, and makes rude comments and as soon as I say something (which I shouldn’t even try arguing anyway) I’m the worst person alive. I know I make him feel that way too though. And I’m scared to leave him cuz I’ve never had a person like him in my life and deal w my shit and see me every weekend. I don’t want to let him go but I’m scared it’s coming to that. He can’t see he can be manipulative and mean and I don’t know what to do.

My bf (25M) and I (21F) have been together for almost 2 years. Everything has been perfect for us. It’s like we’re perfect for each other. But since our last big fight that happened 1 month ago, I noticed that I’ve been meaner to him whenever we have a disagreement. When I expect him to give me his attention and I don’t receive it, I’d ignore him for the whole day until I wanted to talk to him. And when I do, I would point out that it’s wrong of him to “be mean to me first”. After that, it would turn into a big argument. And I’d refuse to apologize for my part and take responsibility.

I do understand that this is a very toxic behavior but I don’t know why I’m feeling like this or how to fix it. Maybe I might still be upset about what happened 1 month ago? But we already talked it out and he’s changed for the better. Either way, it’s driving him insane and I don’t like how this is affecting our relationship.

Usually, I'm a pretty laid back person. I don't get irritated or angry very easily. We've been together for 6 happy years, but over the past year or two I've found increasingly that I'll get irritated about really menial things, which sometimes results in my snapping at my boyfriend for no reason. Particularly things that he does often, i.e mannerisms. For example, mispronouncing things repeatedly, using made-up words (which I used to find endearing), doing general housekeeping tasks differently than I would like them done, and asking me what I'm doing when it's obvious (''oh you're cooking?'' when I'm in the process of cooking, or ''oh you're done watching tv?'' when I turn the tv off). I've tried really hard to work on this, and to some degree I've gotten better, but I'm still frequently getting upset with him when he hasn't done anything wrong. I feel so guilty because he doesn't deserve it, and I don't understand why I'm angry.

I have a brother with BPD and it reminds me of how he would get furious at us over nothing growing up. It kinda freaks me out that I'm behaving like him in a small way.

Before anyone asks - I'm not on any medications or birth control. This problem preceded covid and we're both working so aren't seeing more of each other than usual.

tldr; I get mad at my boyfriend over his benign habits/mannerisms. This is really out of character for me and I feel guilty. Why am I like this and how can I stop feeling this way?

Edit: Thank you all for your thoughtful advice! I don't know what the magic root cause is - maybe I've fallen out of love, but I don't believe that. It's reassuring to know that some people have worked through these problems with their partners and that it's not uncommon at all. I'm going to look into the resources some of you have provided, and perhaps finally see a therapist about my general anxiety. I'm not ready to accept that we're broken beyond repair.

Every month on the nose, just before my period I have a week of anxiety, physical discomfort, and most notably -- DRAMATIC bouts of anger.

I feel like I am almost giving myself a cop-out when I say that it happens because of my period, but this type of attitude genuinely (and frighteningly) only happens during this week. My boyfriend and I don't fight, and even beyond that, we have an incredibly happy and loving relationship. We respect each other, we joke, we communicate our issues well to each other. But when I get in this funk, I speak to him in ways that I never speak to him, and in ways that I don't speak to anyone else. For one night, out of almost every month, we have this fight. A fight that can start for any reason. I get in a white haze of anger and anything can set me off. I talk over him, I talk down to him, and its like I can't control my anger. We have had many 'fights' where this is not the case. We usually talk most things out. But during this week, I physically feel different. It's almost like my mental stability is weakened :( idk.. I don't know what is wrong with me. I have no excuses.

I am mortified by my behavior. I want to do anything and everything I can do to change it. Each time this fight can occur, I wake up at my lowest point. I seriously feel like the severity of this is more towards bipolar than the typical "oh I'm PMS'ing, bring me chocolate" kind of thing. But this person I become is so infrequent and far from my day to day life that it truly scares me. For one night, I don't recognize myself. And I have no idea why :(

I feel like I need help. It's gotten to the point where, even if 360 days of the year are fine, these extreme 5 really make me question who I am as a person. I have tried to read online, and I just don't think this is normal behavior. What is wrong with me? What do I do?

I know that I am being unfairly mean to my boyfriend but it's like I can't help myself. He is the nicest boy I know and he treats me like a princess…and I know that if any guy treated me the way that I treat him I would break up with him. I know when I am being a bitch and I feel badly ughhh I think I'm crazy. He doesn't deserve to be treated like this and I really do feel badly being so crazy to him :(

[UPDATE] I messaged him to talk face to face but he is reluctant to do so. We live 30 mins away and I told him I can drive to him and talk on whether we are fixing our relationship or we are breaking up. He asked me why we are having a talk, I told him the above reason. He said “idk”. So I m hanging here waiting being all anxious yesterday and today. Idk what to do now.

This is my first relationship. I(f24) have totally ruined a perfectly fine relationship myself.

Below is a list of toxicity I have done to my boyfriend:

In the beginning, my boyfriend (m24) went to study abroad right we got together, and I felt insecure at one point I accused him of cheating on me out of no where with no evidence.

When he came back, I cannot resist the temptation and went over his phone. I took his phone and he knew. He didn’t say anything on it.

When he’s talking/messaging his girl friends, I got jealous and made a fuss out of it.

Last week, he was playing games with his long time no talk old friend who is a girl gamer and I got jealous again.

I constantly stalk his social medias and online activities and found out he is playing with the girl gamer again and got jealous. My heart just dropped immediately. So I confronted him again. He knows I stalked him and he thinks I am crazy, which I think I am too.

I am genuinely disgusted of myself, I don’t know why I would feel that. I want to stop this kind of behavior but I can’t. I tried to convince myself I have to trust him it is normal but I can’t. I want help to change I don’t know where to start. I don’t deserve another forgiveness I know, but I don’t wanna lose him. Please anyone know what should I do?