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In communication, clarification involves offering back to the speaker the essential meaning, as understood by the listener, of what they have just said. Thereby checking that the listener's understanding is correct and resolving any areas of confusion or misunderstanding.
Clarification is important in many situations especially when what is being communicated is difficult in some way. Communication can be 'difficult' for many reasons, perhaps sensitive emotions are being discussed - or you are listening to some complex information or following instructions.
This page provides dialogue and examples of clarification and how you can use this simple technique to improve your communication skills.
The purpose of clarification is to:
- Ensure that the listener's understanding of what the speaker has said is correct, reducing misunderstanding.
- Reassure the speaker that the listener is genuinely interested in them and is attempting to understand what they are saying.
As an extension of reflecting, clarifying reassures the speaker that the listener is attempting to understand the messages they are expressing.
Clarifying can involve asking questions or occasionally summarising what the speaker has said.
A listener can ask for clarification when they cannot make sense of the speaker's responses. Sometimes, the messages that a speaker is attempting to send can be highly complex, involving many different people, issues, places and/or times. Clarifying helps you to sort these out and also to check the speaker's priorities.
Through clarification it is possible for the speaker and the listener to make sense of these often confused and complex issues. Clarifying involves genuineness on the listener's part and it shows speakers that the listener is interested in them and in what they have to say.
See our page: Active Listening for more about attentive listening skills.
Some examples of non-directive clarification-seeking questions are:
- “I'm not quite sure I understand what you are saying.”
- “I don't feel clear about the main issue here.”
- “When you said ........ what did you mean?”
- “Could you repeat ...?”
Clarifying involves:
- Non-judgemental questioning.
- Summarising and seeking feedback as to its accuracy.
Clarification Questions
When you are the listener in a sensitive environment, the right sort of non-directive questioning can enable the speaker to describe their viewpoint more fully.
Asking the right question at the right time can be crucial and comes with practice. The best questions are open-ended as they give the speaker choice in how to respond, whereas closed questions allow only very limited responses.
Open Questions
If your role is to assist a speaker to talk about an issue, often the most effective questioning starts with 'when', 'where', 'how' or 'why'. These questions encourage speakers to be open and expand on their thoughts. For example:
“When did you first start feeling like this?”
“Why do you feel this way?”
Closed Questions
Closed questions usually elicit a 'yes' or 'no' response and do not encourage speakers to be open and expand on their thoughts. Such questions often begin with 'did you?' or 'were you?' For example:
“Did you always feel like this?”
“Were you aware of feeling this way?”
See our pages: Questioning and Types of Question for more information.
Guidelines for Clarifying
Clarification is the skill we use to ensure that we have understood the message of the speaker in an interpersonal exchange. When using clarification follow these guidelines to help aid communication and understanding.
- Admit if you are unsure about what the speaker means.
- Ask for repetition.
- State what the speaker has said as you understand it, and check whether this is what they really said.
- Ask for specific examples.
- Use open, non-directive questions - if appropriate.
- Ask if you have got it right and be prepared to be corrected.
Summarising
As a further extension to clarification a summary involves reviewing what has taken place during the whole conversation.
It is important to keep only to the essential components of the conversation, and it must be given from the speaker's frame of reference, not an interpretation from the listener’s viewpoint. The aim of a summary is to review understanding, not to give explanation, to judge, to interpret or provide solutions.
Summarising should be done at the end of a conversation, although sometimes it may be appropriate midway through as a way of drawing together different threads. At the start of a conversation, it is useful to summarise any previous discussions or meetings as it can help to provide focus. Whilst the summary is likely to be the longest time a listener will be speaking during a conversation, it is important to be as concise and straightforward as possible.
Further Reading from Skills You Need
Our Communication Skills eBooks
Learn more about the key communication skills you need to be an effective communicator.
Our eBooks are ideal for anyone who wants to learn about or develop their communication skills, and are full of easy-to-follow practical information and exercises.
Summary of Clarification
In reflecting, clarifying and summarising, speakers must be allowed to disagree with, and correct, what the listener says. They should be encouraged to express themselves again, if necessary, giving the listener another chance at understanding, and to check understanding until agreement is reached.
Reflecting, clarifying and summarising are the tools used by active listeners to enable them to demonstrate understanding and encourage a speaker to talk openly.
For effective communication it is essential that the listener and speaker both have the same understanding of the discussion. The speaker must, therefore, have the opportunity to correct the listener's understanding.
Use clarification, reflection and summarising to help with your interpersonal relationships.
- Communication is important in relationships. We need to talk openly and be good listeners.
- Most people can learn how to communicate more effectively.
- Share positive feelings about your partner with them.
- It is better to act early if you are having difficulties, rather than waiting for the situation to get worse.
Good communication is an important part of all relationships and is an essential part of any healthy partnership. All relationships have ups and downs, but a healthy communication style can make it easier to deal with conflict and build a stronger and healthier partnership.
We often hear how important communication is, but not what it is and how we can use good communication in our relationships.
What is communication?
By definition, communication is the transfer of information from one place to another. In relationships, communication allows to you explain to someone else what you are experiencing and what your needs are. The act of communicating not only helps to meet your needs, but it also helps you to be connected in your relationship.
Talk to each other. No matter how well you know and love each other, you cannot read your partner’s mind. We need to communicate clearly to avoid misunderstandings that may cause hurt, anger, resentment or confusion. It takes 2 people to have a relationship and each person has different communication needs and styles. Couples need to find a way of communicating that suits their relationship. Healthy communication styles require practice and hard work. Communication will never be perfect all the time. Be clear when communicating with your partner, so that your message can be received and understood. Double check your understanding of what your partner is saying.
When you talk to your partner, try to:
- set aside time to talk without interruption from other people or distractions like phones, computers or television
- think about what you want to say
- be clear about what you want to communicate
- make your message clear, so that your partner hears it accurately and understands what you mean
- talk about what is happening and how it affects you
- talk about what you want, need and feel – use ‘I’ statements such as ‘I need’, ‘I want’ and ‘I feel’
- accept responsibility for your own feelings
- listen to your partner. Put aside your own thoughts for the time being and try to understand their intentions, feelings, needs and wants (this is called empathy)
- share positive feelings with your partner, such as what you appreciate and admire about them, and how important they are to you
- be aware of your tone of voice
- negotiate and remember that you don’t have to be right all the time. If the issue you are having is not that important, try to let the issue go, or agree to disagree.
Non-verbal communication
When we communicate, we can say a lot without speaking. Our body posture, tone of voice and the expressions on our face all convey a message. These non-verbal means of communicating can tell the other person how we feel about them.
If our feelings don’t fit with our words, it is often the non-verbal communication that gets ‘heard’ and believed. For example, saying ‘I love you’ to your partner in a flat, bored tone of voice, gives 2 very different messages. Notice whether your body language reflects what you are saying.
Listening and communication
Listening is a very important part of effective communication. A good listener can encourage their partner to talk openly and honestly. Tips for good listening include:
- Keep comfortable eye contact (where culturally appropriate).
- Lean towards the other person and make gestures to show interest and concern.
- Have an open, non-defensive, fairly relaxed posture with your arms and legs uncrossed.
- Face the other person – don’t sit or stand sideways.
- Sit or stand on the same level to avoid looking up to or down on the other person.
- Avoid distracting gestures such as fidgeting with a pen, glancing at papers, or tapping your feet or fingers.
- Be aware that physical barriers, noise or interruptions will make good communication difficult. Mute telephones or other communication devices to ensure you are really listening.
- Let the other person speak without interruption.
- Show genuine attention and interest.
- Use assertive statements like ‘I feel…about…’, ‘What I need is…’.
- Be aware of your tone.
- Be prepared to take time out if you are feeling really angry about something. It might be better to calm down before you address the issue.
- Ask for feedback on your listening from the other person.
Improving communication in a relationship
Open and clear communication can be learnt. Some people find it hard to talk and may need time and encouragement to express their views. These people may be good listeners, or they may be people whose actions speak louder than their words.
You can help to improve your communication by:
- building companionship – sharing experiences, interests and concerns with your partner, and showing affection and appreciation
- sharing intimacy – intimacy is not only a sexual connection. Intimacy is created by having moments of feeling close and attached to your partner. It means being able to comfort and be comforted, and to be open and honest. An act of intimacy can be as simple as bringing your partner a cup of tea because you can tell they are tired
- finding one or 2 key issues you can agree on, such as how finances are distributed, a goal you have, or your parenting styles or strategies.
To improve the way you communicate, start by asking questions such as:
- What things cause conflict between you and your partner? Are they because you are not listening to each other?
- What things bring you happiness and feelings of connection?
- What things cause you disappointment and pain?
- What things don’t you talk about and what stops you talking about them?
- How would you like your communication with your partner to be different?
If possible, ask these questions with your partner and share your responses. Consider, and try, ways to communicate differently. See whether the results improve your communication.
When you are more aware of how you communicate, you will be able to have more control over what happens between you. While it may not be easy at first, opening up new areas of communication can lead to a more fulfilling relationship.
Some things are difficult to communicate
Most of us find some experiences or topics difficult to talk about. It may be something that is painful or makes us feel uncomfortable. For example, some people find it difficult to express their emotions. It is often the things that cannot be talked about that hurt the most.
If you are having difficulty expressing yourself, or talking with your partner about something, you might find it helps to talk to a counsellor.
Managing conflict with communication
Tips for how to manage conflict with communication include:
- Avoid using the silent treatment.
- Don’t jump to conclusions. Find out all the facts rather than guessing at motives.
- Discuss what actually happened. Don’t judge.
- Learn to understand each other, not to defeat each other.
- Talk using the future and present tense, not the past tense.
- Concentrate on the major problem, and don’t get distracted by other minor problems.
- Talk about the problems that hurt your or your partner’s feelings, then move on to problems about differences in opinions.
- Use ‘I feel’ statements, not ‘You are’ statements.
Seeking help for communication issues
If you can’t seem to improve the communication in your relationship, consider talking with a relationship counsellor. Counsellors are trained to recognise the patterns in a couple’s communication that are causing problems and to help change those patterns, as well as providing strategies, tips and a safe place to explore issues.
You could also consider doing a course that is relevant to your relationship. It is better to act early and talk to someone about your concerns, rather than wait until things get worse.
Where to get help
This page has been produced in consultation with and approved by:
This page has been produced in consultation with and approved by:
This page has been produced in consultation with and approved by:
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