Hearing and listening are not the same. You hear music, the sound of rainfall, or the sound of food being prepared in the kitchen. Listening, on the other hand, requires attention, comprehension of the message that’s being relayed, and recollection of what’s been said. Show Benefits of Being a Good ListenerThere are numerous benefits associated with being a good listener. People with refined listening skills can help others feel secure in expressing their opinions. They may also be better able to reduce tension during arguments and communicate respect to the speaker. Other potential benefits include being more likable, building stronger relationships, and having a clearer understanding of what’s being discussed.
Strategies for Effective ListeningListening isn’t a passive activity, but a process that you actively undertake. To be a better listener, you must be focused on the speaker, their message, and let the speaker know you understand what’s been said. Below are just a few of the techniques you can use to become a better listener.
Examples of Ineffective ListeningIneffective listeners aren’t engaged, don’t make eye contact, and often miss what’s being presented. Ineffective listening strategies you should avoid include selective listening, inattentiveness, and defensive listening.
4 Types of ListeningListening skills can be developed, but it takes practice. Whether you’re interested in improving your networking, landing a new client, or connecting better with your family, strong listening skills can help. Below are just a few effective listening styles. 1. Deep ListeningDeep listening occurs when you’re committed to understanding the speaker’s perspective. It involves paying attention to both verbal and nonverbal cues, such as the words being used, the speaker’s body language, and their tone. This type of listening helps build trust and rapport, and it helps others feel comfortable in expressing their thoughts and opinions. 2. Full ListeningFull listening involves paying close and careful attention to what the speaker is conveying. It often involves the use of active listening techniques, such as paraphrasing what’s been said to the person you’re speaking with to ensure you understand their messaging. Full listening is useful in the classroom, when someone is instructing you on how to complete a task, and when discussing work projects with superiors. 3. Critical ListeningCritical listening involves using systematic reasoning and careful thought to analyze a speaker’s message and separate fact from opinion. Critical listening is often useful in situations when speakers may have a certain agenda or goal, such as watching political debates, or when a salesperson is pitching a product or service. 4. Therapeutic ListeningTherapeutic listening means allowing a friend, colleague, or family member to discuss their problems. It involves emphasizing and applying supportive nonverbal cues, such as nodding and maintaining eye contact, in addition to empathizing with their experiences. Become a Better ListenerBecoming a better listener takes practice, but if you succeed, you’ll find yourself learning new and interesting things about the people you communicate with. You may also find you’re better at picking up subtle messaging cues others may miss. A number of specific strategies can be applied to listening, but they all share one key element: being present and attentive during conversations and respectful of those involved. This ability can help you be a more effective partner, parent, student, and coworker. Recommended Reading Time Management for Online Students What to Do if You Don’t Get That Promotion How to Stand Out as a Career Nomad Sources The Balance Careers, “Types of Listening Skills with Examples” Customer Service Institute of America, “8 Examples of Effective Listening” Indeed, Building Communication Skills: 9 Types of Listening Roger K. Allen, Deep Listening Silver Delta, 5 Benefits of Being a Great Listener ThoughtCo. The Definition of Listening and How to Do It Well Very Well Mind, “How to Practice Active Listening” When you say you’re listening, which type of listening are you really practicing? Of the five types, there’s only one that that’s the kind of deep listening that helps you resolve conflict better, be more persuasive, and strengthen the personal or business relationship. I once saw Stephen Covey speak about the types of listening. He described a listening continuum that runs from ignoring all the way over on the left, to pretend listening, then selective listening, then attentive listening, and finally to empathic listening on the right. The first four types of listeningIgnoring doesn’t sound like listening at all, but we recognize it when we’re on the ignored end of it: The other person continuing to type while we’re speaking, or checking their phone multiple times during dinner conversation. Pretend listening is a patronizing form of listening. Really, we’re just waiting to speak. Very little of what they say is actually registering and we don’t really care what’s on their mind. Selective listening is listening for the things that will serve us — listening for the holes in their argument, perhaps, or for other things we can use to promote our own position or point of view. Attentive listening is listening so we can do something with what we just heard, like giving advice. We’re paying attention but primarily to feel good about our good listening or our good advice. Covey drew a vertical line between attentive listening and the fifth type, empathic listening. Everything to the left of that line, he said, is listening from within our own frame of reference. That’s the point of view from which we listen most of the time. Empathic listeningOnly empathic listening, to the right of Covey’s line on the continuum, is listening from within the other person’s frame of reference. How often do we listen with the pure desire to see it the way they see it, to step even briefly into their universe and take a look around? I suspect most of us don’t do it very often, probably not daily, perhaps not even weekly. And during conflict, empathic listening is a very rare animal. Empathic listening is learnable. It takes no special skill, just a very specific desire: To see things the way they see them, even if we don’t want to or don’t agree with them. |