Sex is an important part of intimacy, but long-lasting marriages go beyond bedroom chemistry. Without other types of intimacy in marriage, “the relationship can drift apart or remain at a very superficial level,” says marriage therapist Hilda De La Torre, M.A., MFT. Show Couples also need to cultivate 4 types of intimacy—emotional, intellectual, experiential, and spiritual intimacy. 4 Types of Intimacy in MarriageBesides physical intimacy, here are fruit types of intimacy to be intentional about creating to foster connection and closeness in your marriage. Emotional IntimacyEmotional intimacy allows you to connect more deeply with your spouse through sharing thoughts and feelings. It involves telling each other your deepest fears, dreams, disappointments, complicated emotions, and feeling seen and understood when you do. A marriage strong in this type of intimacy means that both partners feel safe and comfortable having this kind of uninhibited expression around each other. How do I increase emotional intimacy in my marriage?You can encourage emotional intimacy by:
We confide in who we trust. If your marriage struggles in this area, consider speaking with a marriage counselor. Intellectual IntimacyEmotional intimacy leads to intellectual intimacy. When neither of you worries about potential conflicts when sharing thoughts and feelings, each person feels the freedom to have valued individual opinions. You feel closer to someone who cares and celebrates differences. How do I increase intellectual intimacy in my marriage? Create more intellectual intimacy in your relationship by:
This type of intimacy connects you through logic and philosophical expression. Experiential IntimacyExperiential intimacy is when people bond during leisure activities. It’s about sharing your day-to-day experience and getting closer together. Each person in the relationship has particular roles and interests. The key is to make sure that some of those things overlap so you are doing things together. Sharing experiences and private memories can intensify connection and closeness. How do I increase more experiential intimacy in my marriage?You can create this kind of intimacy by:
You don’t have to collaborate on everything, but it’s important to have shared experiences. Spiritual IntimacySpiritual Intimacy is more than spending time in God’s word. It’s learning how to connect with each other through your faith. How do I increase spiritual intimacy in my marriage?Foster more spiritual intimacy by:
Your wife is worth the extra effort. Your husband is worth the extra effort. Deepening your relationship with Jesus together is worth everything! Connect on Multiple Levels in Your MarriageA healthy relationship connects and relates on multiple levels. Learning to engage in open, truthful communication and understanding each other will help establish the closeness that strengthens your marriage. Strengthen intimacy in your marriage at one of our fun marriage retreats or conferences for all ages. Eagle Family Ministries has marriage conferences you can attend on your own, or you can schedule a marriage conference or marriage retreat for your church. We will even custom design a marriage conference for your church regardless of your location in the United States. Contact us to visit about your ideas and needs today! Relationships aren’t just about romance and having “that loving feeling”. They are about feeling safe enough to be intimate with your partner on all levels, and completely sharing yourself with another person. In fact, intimacy isn’t just limited to our romantic relationships. By learning more about the different levels of intimacy, you will be able to be more intentional about intimacy in all your relationships – and not just your romantic ones! 1 – Safe Communication. There is minimal intimacy, and is the type of communication we have everyday with people we don’t know very well. It’s the chat we have with the supermarket checkout girl, or the person we stand next to at the train station – for example, “Terrible weather out there,” or “Looks like the Broncos will win the league”. There is little to no risk of rejection as it involves facts and information, without sharing anything personal such as our feelings and opinions. 2 – Sharing Other Peoples’ Opinions and Beliefs. We begin to reveal more of ourselves at this stage, by alluding to what others say or believe. We might say, “My boss always says … “, or, “So Gerald Baden-Clay has been found guilty!”, to subtly test the other person’s reaction. If we find they do not share our opinion, we can distance ourselves if we feel threatened by criticism or rejection. 3 – Sharing Our Own Personal Opinions and Beliefs. By sharing our own thoughts, opinions and beliefs, we are taking a bigger risk, and making ourselves more vulnerable. However should this not turn out the way we want, we can always say that we’ve had a change of heart, or thought it through some more – and so avoid potential conflict or pain. 4 – Our Own Feelings and Experiences. The next level of vulnerability, and therefore intimacy, is when we reach the point of sharing our own feelings and experiences. We may reveal our failures, our joys, our hopes. It is more risky because if we feel rejected or criticised, we can’t change our experiences, or how we feel about something. If conflict should arise, we may be able to convince the other person that these are examples from our past, and that we are different now. 5: Our Own Needs, Emotions and Desires. The highest level of intimacy, requires the greatest amount of trust in our relationship. It is only when we feel truly safe with somebody, that we become willing to share the deepest core of who we are. It’s up close and personal. This is when we share things like, “I’m feeling hurt, because you haven’t remembered our anniversary”; “I need to know that you will have my back when we got to that party”, “I feel guilty that I’m not making as much money as you”, or “I want to spend my life with you.” It’s also the level where we let others see how we react to things emotionally, warts and all. To everybody else, we may present the facade of a successful business person; only our best friend or partner is aware that losing that client, has left us feeling anything but. Intimacy Takes TimeBecause of the effort involved, it takes time, effort, some pain, criticism and rejection, to reach level five. Plus, both people in the relationship need to move through the levels together. If I’m sharing at level four with someone (feelings and experiences) but my partner is sharing at level three (opinions and beliefs) we’re not experiencing true intimacy. I may feel closer because I’m sharing at a higher level, but this is a false sense of intimacy. In truth, intimacy is measured by the person with the lower level of vulnerability. Sex can be a False Sense of IntimacyLevel 5 is the healthiest, safest and most intimate place to have sex. It is when we feel loved unconditionally, and have the highest level of trust, that we are able to give ourselves completely to each other, increasing intimacy and the enjoyment of sex. We can have sex at the other levels, but without that same level of trust the vulnerability of sex may be associated with anxiety, fear and distrust.
David is a Clinical Psychologist, with a keen interest in couples counselling. He strives to provide a safe environment for his clients to explore their issues and, with assistance, develop new techniques which will help them change their unproductive behaviours. The aim is to have a happier life that assists people to reach their relationship, personal and life goals. Dr David Wells is currently on extended leave. If you would like to book with an alternative clinician with similar expertise, you can call Vision Psychology Brisbane on (07) 3088 5422. Reference:  |
What are the 4 levels of intimacy?
Related Posts
Copyright © 2024 themosti Inc.
