What does the bible say about seeking approval from others

Women in general seem to have a real issue with seeking approval from others all through their lives.  Most of those who seek approval from others will tell you that it brings sorrow and stress.  So why do they continue to look for approval from those around them?

Seeking approval starts when we are children and Mom and Dad reward us with it when we do what it right. The balance is upset though somehow when Mom and Dad withhold approval when we don’t do what they require.

I’m not by any means laying blame on moms and dads. When we become adults, no matter how ingrained bad behavior is, it is our responsibility to overcome it.  But I think that is where the love for approval begins, it feels good and safe to have approval from people.

But God says that if we want a peaceful life, we should not seek approval from people.
“Oh that you had paid attention to my commandments! Then your peace would have been like a river, and your righteousness like the waves of the sea” Isaiah 48:18

There aren’t many things in life that bring such unhappiness to us as trying to be people-pleasers.

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10

The Greek word used in Galatians 1:10 is aresko.  I think its important to know what that word means specifically.

aresko: to fit, to gratify, to accommodate oneself to, or to be acceptable.

Seeking approval of people can lead to sin. You can probably think of times when you sought after approval of people and it ended badly, with hurt feelings, misunderstandings, harsh words.  I certainly can. There have been times in the ministry of CHK that I have veered off the path of seeking God’s approval and tried to please people.  It never ended well and I had to repent and get back on track.

Even though God has called us to stop seeking approval of people, He still intends that we be servants of His, and though Him, servants of others.
Bob Dylan sang a song long ago that said,…. ” you know you got to serve somebody…..”  We always serve or seek approval from someone. We serve others, ourselves or God.

We know that God calls us to servanthood. As His children, we are to serve Him by serving others.  When we were in sin, we were enslaved, or servants to, sin.

I am speaking in human terms, because of your natural limitations. For just as you once presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves to righteousness leading to sanctification. Romans 6:19

But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life.
Romans 6:22

Being ‘enslaved’ to God is much different from being enslaved to people as a pleaser. Only God can make all things work out for good for those of us who are called according to His purpose. Only God can safely enslave us and protect us while He does it!

Every one of us have to please some people now and then. Its part of most jobs, its part of most relationships. But if you find yourself consistently angry at yourself or depressed because you are trying so hard to please others and failing, you may be in the trap of being a people-pleaser.

Seeking people’s approval brings heartache, frustration, sadness and anger…. but seeking God’s approval brings astounding rewards…..

“Behold, I am coming soon, bringing my recompense with me, to repay everyone for what he has done. ”  Revelation 22:2

Let’s face it: Everyone wants to be liked. It feels good when someone pays you a compliment or likes a photo we post to Facebook.

But do you ever feel preoccupied with wanting attention from someone? Have you ever found yourself obsessing over what that person could be thinking about you, or stuck on that time your friend made a negative comment? Most of us can say we’ve experienced—or continue to experience on some level—that annoying anxious feeling.

When we’re focused on people’s responses to us (good or bad), what we’re really doing is looking for their approval. We want to know that we’re liked and what we do is good, and if all that lines up, then we’ll feel accepted. We measure up. While this experience is entirely common for us as humans, it brings huge problems.

1. We are only making assumptions.

Despite our most well thought-out theories, we often can’t be sure why someone does what they do. Sure, if a person doesn’t respond to your text message as quickly as usual, they could be mad at you for something you did. They could also be facing a mini emergency at work that is taking tons of time to fix. It could be that after that moment of chaos they even forget to respond all together. Of course you don’t have all this information. And if you blame yourself it’s just wasted energy on a false assumption.

2. How others act is a reflection of them.

The Bible says, “Out of the heart the mouth speaks.” What a person says, or what they do for that matter, comes from within them. It all flows from their life experiences, along with their own potential insecurities and past wounds. It has nothing to do with us. We shouldn’t take responsibility for something that comes from within another person. And we certainly shouldn’t label ourselves by biased messages.

3. Others don’t have the knowledge of God.
When we are grasping for feedback from other people, we give them an authority in our own lives. In essence, we’re asking them to tell us who we are. Not only does this dishonor God, who alone is our creator, but it also just isn’t accurate. Even the closest person to us doesn’t know us as well as God does. They haven’t been around our whole lives, seen us through our journeys, known our inner world or potential as God does. And they also don’t know what the future holds for us.

Another person can’t determine your status if they don’t know you from the inside out.

The Issue Comes From Us.

One of the main problems with looking for validation from other people, is that it can’t actually fix that restless feeling you feel. And here’s why:

You see, that nagging desire to get responses from others is not actually about those other people. What it’s really about, is how you feel about yourself. If you are on a quest for another person’s approval—it’s because there’s a part of you that doesn’t completely approve of yourself.

It could feel like a tinge of dissatisfaction, a concern that we aren’t where we “should be,” or a large gaping hole of inadequacy. We might not even be aware that we feel that way until someone’s action hits a nerve. We feel suddenly injured or restless to fix their opinion. We then know we’re lacking the inner security we maybe thought we had.

Truth be told, if we accepted ourselves completely, we wouldn’t need to look for validation.

The problem is, the more we look for approval outside of ourselves, the more we reinforce the feeling that we need it. It perpetuates the cycle. And it doesn’t help us. The positive attention we receive feels good temporarily, but it can’t fix the source of our discomfort. Of course the (even perceived) disapproval just fuels anxious feelings, sadness or resentment. Peace can only be found as we address what’s going on inside us, because that’s where the problem lies.

And this is actually good news. While we have no control over others’ behavior or thoughts, we do have control over our own. If the problem is ours to fix, we can indeed fix it.

Shifting Our Focus

The foundation of who we are lies in seeking the perspective of our Creator, rather than the false gods we can make others into. But it takes a deliberate shifting of our focus.

When I feel tempted to rely on a person’s opinion of me, I try to put that energy toward drawing out what God is saying to me in that very moment. I may ask, “Lord, how do you want me to see myself right now?”

Now, many of us feel it’s easier to trust in another person’s opinion than in God’s. It may be the same kind of thing children face when their mom says how wonderful they are and they say, “You have to say that, you’re my mom.” Let’s keep this in mind though. As we said earlier, God knows us even better than our parents. He is also unable to lie. Unlike human beings, He can’t “stretch the truth.” When He says we are inherently valuable and He rejoices over us (Zephaniah 3:17), it’s true.

And there’s more.

Once discovering what God says about us, we then have to turn it toward ourselves. It’s actually not enough to say, “God accepts us fully and says we’re important.” We have to agree with Him—and tell ourselves the same thing.

We won’t experience the freedom of His truthful words until we believe them, take them in and say to ourselves, “God values me, and therefore I value myself as well.” We have to start paying attention to how we talk to ourselves. Rather than just being pulled along by a flow of negative thoughts, we need to stand up to them. We need to say what God would say to us in those moments. If He has accepted us and thinks highly of us, if He loves us and hopes in us unconditionally, perhaps it’s time we did the same.

What does Bible say about approval?

Do you not live for the approval of others?

Is seeking approval a sin?

What does the Bible say about seeking help from others?