Just letting you know i love you

Sure, everyone always tells you to "never stop saying I love you" once you're married. It's a nice sentiment—really, it is—and you do your best to remind him of how you feel whenever you can. But if you forget from time to time (hey, we know how hectic it gets in that early morning hustle), don't sweat it. Karl Pilemer, Ph.D., author of 30 Lessons for Loving: Advice from the Wisest American on Love, Relationships and Marriage, says that it's more important that you use other words of affirmation, adoration, and respect to show your husband how deeply you feel. "'I love you babe' can become so overused that it loses its meaning," he explains. "When that phrase feels tired or clichéd, though, there are other ways to keep the spark alive."

Here, eight other things you can say to your husband that'll really communicate to him just how much you care.

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"I Really, Really Like You."

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You love your husband, of course, but don't you like who he is (as a person, a partner, a father), too? Pilemer says what really makes a relationship last long-term isn't that undeniable chemistry, but a deep, meaningful friendship. "Men who have been married a long time tell me that it's important to be loved, yes, but they need to know that their spouse likes and values him as a person, that you enjoy hanging out, that you find him funny and interesting." In other words, don't be afraid to highlight his unique, even quirky qualities that you fell in love with in the first place. Something like, "I like the way you sing John Mellencamp while you cook" can brighten his day, and sometimes something as simple as "I'm so lucky to have you in my life" can mean more than those three little words.

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It's unlikely that there are two other words that hold a stronger meaning in a relationship, says Charles Orlando, relationship expert and author of The Pact: Goodbye, Past. Hello, Love!, so use them—and use them often. "Too often gratitude disappears and we start taking people for granted in the humdrum noise of life," he says. "Spouses forget to appreciate each other—not just for what they do, but for who they are." Think about it: When you go to Starbucks and someone hands you change, you say thank you. That's showing gratitude to a complete stranger. Do the same for your husband, and try to thank him for one thing every day, whether it's just being there to hang with after a long day, or helping put the kids to bed so you can take care of the laundry. When you do, Orlando says you'll quickly realize it's the easiest way to keep him happy and motivated to try and make you feel the same.

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You already know it's no good for your marriage to keep tabs on who pulls more weight around the house, and it's really easy for women forget that they're not the only ones who feel overwhelmed with work, the kids, and everything else going on—men have pretty long to-do lists, too. "Offering to help your husband when he's stressed, or just because you want to make him feel loved, is better than giving gifts," says Pilemer. Bonus: He says that simple gestures, like offering to take the dog out even though that's normally his chore, can act more like an aphrodisiac than any other gesture, as it reminds both of you that you're a team that tackles things together. So next time he seems totally swamped with work and there's no way you can help in that department, go for the little things—Pilemer says doing it out of generosity, not for a score sheet, will show much you really care.

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Men are hardwired to be providers, so taking care of the family is an important part of who they are and how they feel about their place within that family. When you see him playing on the floor with your little one, or taking your daughter on her first date, telling him right then and there how much you value his involvement will mean the world to him (pro tip: don't wait until you need him to take the kids to practice, as it'll make you sound insincere). "It's a great compliment that men want to hear from the woman in their life," says Orlando. "Oftentimes, dads end up feeling corrected or unappreciated all of the time because they don't have the same paternal instincts that a mom usually does." Plus, sharing that compliment can enhance your sense of family and togetherness that a healthy marriage often needs as soon as children are involved, says Orlando, so you're really giving yourself a win-win by reminding him of how much you love seeing him in a role other than "husband."

"I Love When You Touch Me."

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Women aren't the only ones who need a reminder now and then that their spouse finds them attractive. And over the years, the frequency of sex can slow down. So Samantha Rodman, M.D., clinical psychologist and founder of Dr. Psych Mom says it's essential to make sure communication about the physical side of your relationship remains wide open. "You don't want your partner to feel disconnected or underappreciated, and a comment about attraction can help keep that glow going," she says. "It can be a reminder that you still want to take him to bed, even if there are more days when you're too exhausted, or just aren't initiating as much." Don't be afraid to get into the nitty-gritty details when the kids are in the other room, or send one of these sexy text messages while he's at work to send a steamy reminder of why you chose to share a bed with him—exclusively—for the remainder of your days.

"If It's Important To You, Then Yes."

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Sometimes there are things you just don't want to do, or you don't really understand why it needs to be done. But if it's important to your husband, then telling him that you're on board serves as a reminder that this is a partnership, and his opinion, dreams, and desires matter just as much as yours. It's another way of saying, "I'll sacrifice for you," or "I support you, and will always have your back." But if you're going to say it, then make sure you mean it, says Orlando. "You should never just be placating him in the moment, and then secretly lying in wait with resentful feelings or waiting to say 'I told you so' if things don't work out," he says. And there's nothing wrong with being honest about your fears. Admitting you have them doesn't mean you're taking away your support, but rather providing an opportunity for you to work through them while saying, "I have faith in your decision, even though I don't totally get it," explains Orlando. Everyone has to do that at some point in a marriage, and it shows your husband you're willing to go out on a ledge for him.

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Fights happen. Hurtful words are said. People lash out. But knowing when to forgive your husband for the things he's done—and telling him that—is critical because it reminds him that it's okay to not be perfect. "Your husband should never have to feel like he has to act a certain way in order to please you," says Orlando. "It's important that he be able to be exactly who he is, even if that involves the occasional mess-up." Now, that doesn't mean it's okay for him to make the same mistakes over and over agin. When that happens, talk (don't yell) about the repetitive behavior, and try o figure out a solution that will work for the both of you. And when you decide to forgive him, again, make sure you mean it. "Saying the words without a real feeling behind it is just lip service," says Orlando, and that doesn't do anybody any good.

"I'll Always Choose You."

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It might not feel like it when you're in the middle of a big fight, but marriage is the culmination of choices—big ones and small ones, sure, but always an everyday choice to stick it out with your partner no matter what. So reminding your husband that you are aware of the choice you're making, and you don't want to change it, is imperative. Karen Sherman, Ph.D., psychologist and author of Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, and Make It Last says that instead of saying I love you, something like, "If I had to do it all over again, I would still choose you" illustrates your dedication on a deeper level. "It lets the other person know how important they are to you, no matter how many bumps there are along the way," she says. It helps eliminate any doubt that may be creeping in the back of their mind about the strength of your marriage, and reminds them that you're still in it for the long haul.

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