How to be a good wife according to the bible

She is up before dawn for a workout. She fixes lunches and drives the kids to school. She sits in traffic while making phone calls and setting up meetings. She gives all she's got in her nine to five. She collects the kids still answering emails. She helps with homework, runs a midweek connect group for her church, and cooks balanced meals for her family. And at the end of the day she spends time with her husband. All in the span of 24 hours.

She is a woman. A mother. A wife.

Which is why I cringe at the misconception that Christian women should be weak. Weakness will compromise our families and husbands. The world needs strong, godly women.

I'm not talking about brute, manipulative, win-at-all-costs strength. I have learned a strong wife comes about through grace. Grace for mistakes and grace empowering her in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

I am not strong because of my inner ability or will power. I am strong in His grace, in His supernatural power. 

Biblical women were not weak. Think Esther, Deborah, Jael, Mary and Priscilla. Women who defied the odds, rescued their nation, and changed the world. Strong married women.

Then there's the Proverbs 31 woman - the lady we all aspire to. The Proverbs 31 wife was strong in all the right places and gives us a blueprint of how to live with strength and honor.

If we break down Proverbs 31, we see the six qualities that will make us strong Christian wives.

A strong wife is trustworthy.

Proverbs 31:11a - “Her husband can trust her.” 

A strong wife will never deceive her husband. She will not go behind his back. Her eyes never wander. She communicates with honesty and truthfulness. 

A strong wife enriches.

Proverbs 31:11b - “And she will greatly enrich his life.”

A weak wife will not enrich her husband, but drag him down. Her moods and unpredictability will drain him of precious energy. He will resent her, rather than desire her. 

The world is choking your man. Workplaces are not encouraging or uplifting. Your husband needs a woman who will build him up to be the man of his destiny, a woman who thinks her man is incredible and isn't afraid to show it.

A strong wife is energetic.

Proverbs 31:17 - “She is energetic and strong, a hard worker.” 

Managing a household takes strength. Bucket loads of it. So take care of yourself. Eat right. Be realistic with your time management. You can be like everyone else - tired - but I get the feeling the Proverbs 31 wife was not like everyone else. She had energy.

A strong wife demonstrates dignity.

Proverbs 31:25a - “She is clothed with strength and dignity.”

Strength and dignity belong together. A strong woman is the kind of woman worthy of honor, not a weak one. She knows her worth as a child of the Most High God and operates out of that revelation.

A strong wife is fearless.

Proverbs 31:25b - “And she laughs without fear of the future.” 

Fear is crippling. It paralyzes hearts and destroys destinies. A strong woman does not bow to fear. A strong wife believes the best about her husband and children. She always hopes and perseveres until the end.

A strong wife is virtuous.

Proverbs 31:28-29 - “Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: ‘There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!’”

Strong women are often depicted as manipulating, seductive, and vengeful. A strong, godly woman is none of those. She is kind, considerate, and moving forward. She does not rely on charm to get her way. She does not need to push or throw her weight around. 

It seems as though women who get all the glory use their assets to their advantage. But you - a strong Christian woman - you are virtuous and capable. You are a woman deserving praise and adoration. Your husband and children know the gift they have in you. They are blessed by your strength. 

The world needs strong women. Your husband needs a strong wife. Your children need a strong mother. So be one.

Sarah Coleman is an Australian wife, mother and Senior Pastor. Download her free eBook, Be Amazing: You Know You Want To and read  more of her thoughts at sarahcoleman.com.au.

Do you think of yourself as a good wife…in God’s eyes? If you were to stand before God today and make an account for your actions, attitudes, and overall role as wife to your husband, what do you think God would say? Would He say “well done good and faithful servant”?

This post is not about being hard on yourself. Guilt is not the motive here. I am imperfect too. I struggle too. It’s not easy to perform your role as wife in a selfless and humble manner. But this is what God wants of us. Not just wives, but Christians in general, and that goes for your role as wife too.

The good news in all this is that what other people think about you doesn’t matter. It’s what God thinks. You are here to please God and not man. This includes your friends, and this includes your husband. Being a good wife in God’s eyes doesn’t mean pleasing your husband. Although, within reason, there is nothing wrong with trying to do that, so long as something that pleases your husband doesn’t go against God’s will.

But overall you are here to perform your duties as wife in order to glorify God and to be a walking representation of the Bride of Christ, the Church.

So let’s have a look at what being a good wife looks like in God’s eyes.

Get your priorities straight

This can be a hard one, but it’s probably the most important one in this list. In the life of a Christian wife, mother, and homemaker, your priorities have to be set straight. This will mean that God ALWAYS comes first, and then your husband, next your kids, and finally everything else.

Do you feel like God comes first in your life and your days? Putting God first means that you take time to spend with Him every day. That you do everything you do with glorifying God in mind. And that you make your relationship with God of the utmost importance. It can’t be a negotiating factor in your days. I know, this can be hard. But I once read a blog post that really helped me to put things into perspective. In it, the writer said something to the effect of, “Jesus died a horrible excruciating death in order to save you from your sins…can you really tell me that you can’t find just 30 minutes every day to spend with Him?”. Wow. Talk about conviction.

Anyways…after God comes your husband. I actually think this is where a lot of women get mixed up (and myself included some days). Because our kids are so demanding of our time and so loud about it (lol) that it can be easy to push your husband aside in order to take care of their needs all the time, while forgoing your husband’s needs.

But even though your husband may not be vocal about his needs, he still has them. And taking time every day to make sure you spend time with your husband and are doing things to make sure his needs are met and that you are there for him is very important to being a good wife.

Keep your inner attitude in check

Our thoughts and inner attitudes have the power to shape and to change us. These attitudes can create strongholds in our lives or tear them down for good. So it’s important to not overlook what your thought life looks like towards your husband.

Do you harbor bitterness and resentment towards him? Are your thoughts towards him loving and kind? Even though you may put on a smile, what is happening inside your mind is just as important. God knows what you’re thinking. And not only that, but your thought life can either negatively or positively impact you and your family as a whole.

So even though your outer attitude should definitely be kept in check, making sure you take stock of your inner attitude regularly is just as important. If you feel bitterness, resentment, anger, or anything negative creeping up into your thoughts, take those thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). And replace those thoughts with good thoughts towards your husband.

Here’s a good exercise you can do when you feel those negative thoughts creeping in: Set a timer for 5 minutes and list off (in your thoughts or speaking out loud) the good things about your husband. Keep on going until the timer goes off, not indulging in thinking about any negative thought towards him. Doing this really helps to bring those negative thoughts captive, help you to see all the good things about your husband, and drown out the negative thoughts that do you (and your marriage) no good.

Treat him with honor and respect

Now that we’ve got our inner attitude in check, it’s important to examine how you treat your husband outwardly. This can be another tough one, especially if you’ve already got into the habit of being unkind towards each other. But it’s important that you do show honor and respect towards your husband, even when he doesn’t deserve it. Because God tells us in His Word that wives are to submit to their husbands and to respect them (1 Peter 3:1-6; Ephesians 5:22-24).

The Bible doesn’t say “respect your husband…except when he’s being a jerk”. No, that’s not how it works. One of the best ways to describe this that I’ve heard is a famous lesson from the Love & Respect book. And that is “my response is my responsibility”. God wants to see you respond as He has asked you to, even in the midst of struggle.

And what’s amazing is that God could work through you and the respect you show your husband to mold and change him too. This might not happen overnight, and in some cases it might not happen at all. But either way, it’s our responsibility to endure to the end (Matthew 24:13) and to do what we can to honor God in our lives as a living sacrifice unto the Lord (Romans 12:1). And you can do that by doing as God asks, and treating your husband with honor and respect, even when he doesn’t deserve it.

Be helpful and supportive of him

When God first created woman, He said that He would create her to be a “help meet” for man (Genesis 2:18). This term is sometimes seen as derogatory, when in fact it simply means a counterpart/mate to help him.

Think about it this way. Life is challenging. Because not only do families need to make money to survive, but they also need to be taken care of physically and mentally. That is a difficult job for one person to do all on their own. To do all of the things. I know that, unfortunately, there are those people who have to do this. And I am sorry that you do if that’s you. Because that isn’t easy.

When God created woman He knew that going through life alone would be challenging. And that if these two counterparts would come together to help each other it would be so much easier on them. One could do one thing while the other focused on another, then life would go so much smoother and the burden would be lighter for both of them.

So when you go through your daily tasks. When you cook, clean, do the laundry, or whatever other role you have in your marriage. Think about it in terms of being his counterpart that is there to lighten his load, as he is there to lighten yours in other ways.

Support him in his work and in life so that he can feel encouraged and equipped to go through life and anything that is thrown at him with confidence and assurance that he is not in this alone. Not only does he have God, but he has a wife who loves and supports him in the ways that she is equipped to.

Maintain your relationship with him

There was once a time in your relationship with your husband that he was your world. He was probably all you could think about and spending time with him brought butterflies to your stomach and joy to your heart. More than likely those butterflies have faded. But don’t let your relationship with him fade too. At one point he was probably even your best friend. Hopefully he still is, but if he’s not then it’s time to really step back and think about what you can do to change that.

Life can get real really quick and the sparks between husband and wife can go away. It’s sad, but it’s true. However, I like to think about the fact that something different replaces those butterflies. Instead of an exciting newness, you now have a warm familiarity. There’s a comfort of knowing that no matter what, you’re in this together. A comfort that this person knows you better than probably anyone else walking this earth. And there’s something very special about that. But it’s often overlooked.

So take the time to enjoy the season of marriage you’re in right now. Have regular date nights with your husband, remain intimate with him so that his temptations are lessened (1 Corinthians 7:5). And most of all, have fun together. Create inside jokes, tease each other, and be playful. These kinds of things are the things that keep the sparks there and that make going through this life together more enjoyable and joyful.

Be his prayer warrior

When I first read The Power of the Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian several years ago it really had a big impact on my perspective towards praying for my husband. It helped me to see that even in the midst of challenges, I am not helpless. Perhaps it’s a bad argument or struggles at work or an addiction, or even infidelity. Whatever the case may be there is always something you can do. And that something should include praying.

Lifting up your husband in prayer regularly is such a precious gift that you can give to him. Whatever thing you see him struggling with or that he needs help with, take it to God in prayer. Be his own personal prayer warrior and over time you will witness the impact it has on him personally and on your marriage as a whole.

Being a good wife starts with submitting to God

When we think about being a good wife we often think about making our husband’s happy. And while that is certainly a good thing, it’s not the first thing. The first thing is following God’s instruction for wives that is given to us in His Word. And doing so in a way that isn’t dependent upon our husband’s actions.

That can be hard, because often times we react based on how we feel. But it’s important to change that mindset and switch over to doing things because it’s what God wants us to do. Not because our husband’s deserve it or because it’s what they like. But because it’s what God wants from us as women and as wives.

But oftentimes you’ll find that when you are obedient to God in your role as wife, your husband will in turn be happy as well, and (believe it or not) so will you.

Learning how to be a good wife in God’s eyes really boils down to seeing your husband through God’s eyes. And treating him as God would want you to, which is with love and honor and respect.

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