Is a perception the audience forms of a speaker who they believe understands them empathizes with them and is responsive to them?

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Lending a sympathetic ear to your people can earn you trust and loyalty.

Empathic listening is a structured listening and questioning technique that allows you to develop and enhance relationships with a stronger understanding of what is being conveyed, both intellectually and emotionally. As such, it takes active listening techniques to a new level.

In this article, we'll explore how honest and effective use of empathic listening can help you to win the trust of team members, and address the root cause of workplace problems.

(You can check your understanding of empathy more broadly in our article, Empathy at Work.)

Empathic Listening Skills

To use empathic listening, listen patiently to what the other person has to say, even if you do not agree with it. It is important to show acceptance, though not necessarily agreement, by simply nodding or injecting phrases such as "I understand" or "I see."

Try to get a sense of the feelings that the speaker is expressing, and stay mindful of the emotional content being delivered as well as the literal meaning of the words.

Think of yourself as a mirror. Repeat the speaker's thoughts and feelings back to them.

Encourage the speaker to continue with their message by interjecting summary responses. For example, "So you do not feel as though you play a strong enough role on the team." Or, "You feel your talents and experiences would be better utilized in another position." Or, you could say, "You feel as though you are undervalued on this project." This should be done in a neutral way, so as not to "lead" the speaker to your way of thinking.

An empathic listener works to keep the speaker from feeling or becoming defensive. To do this, avoid asking direct questions, arguing with what is being said, or disputing facts. The evidence can be considered later. For now, concentrate fully on what is being said and how the speaker feels.

When the speaker says something that requires additional input, simply repeat the statement as a question. For instance, if the speaker says, "I am not happy in my current position," you can probe further by replying, "You say you are not happy in your current position?" This small amount of encouragement may be all that it takes to prompt the speaker to elaborate further.

Be mindful of what is not being said, too. Often, what the speaker holds back is as important as what they are saying. Pay attention to their body language. Nonverbal signs like keeping the head down, shifting away from you or covering the mouth could signal that they're holding something back, or that they feel uncomfortable.

If the speaker asks for your input, be honest. But, try to refrain from providing input that may influence their thoughts or inhibit further communication.

When you're listening empathically, keep your own emotions in check and do not allow yourself to become emotionally involved. Remember: understand first, evaluate later.

Finally, keep in mind that by earning the speaker's confidence, you are allowing them to communicate more freely. In doing this, you create better outcomes for the speaker, for yourself, for your team, and for the company as a whole.

Where you've earned this trust, make sure you don't betray it.

Empathic Listening Example

As a manager, John prides himself on being there for his team members, and he maintains an open-door policy. He feels that he knows each team member quite well and regularly engages in "personal" conversations with them, staying up to date with the events in their lives, both at work and outside of work.

Recently, he noticed Natalie pulling away from the team. During meetings, she seems distracted and no longer provides the high level of input that the team has come to expect from her.

Other team members have also noticed that she's not looking too well. She was late for her meetings yesterday, which was unlike her, and she seems less interested in work more generally, too.

John approaches Natalie to ask if something is wrong. But she becomes defensive and says, "Why do you ask?" and, "I'm fine."

A few more weeks go by and, still not satisfied with her performance, John continues to become more concerned for Natalie. Previously, she'd been the backbone of a thriving team.

To get to root of the issue, John uses empathic listening techniques to discover the source of Natalie's uncharacteristically poor work performance.

Empathic Listening Techniques

John calls Natalie into his office and simply asks her how he can help. This lowers her defenses and shows that he's willing to support her. Then, he listens to what Natalie says (as well as what she doesn't say), and takes care to avoid interrupting. It's not long before he uncovers the problem: Natalie has been going through a divorce and taking care of an ill parent at the same time.

During their conversation, John acts as a mirror to Natalie. He repeats the points that she's made, so she knows that he understands. He rephrases her comments into questions during pauses in the conversation and asks for further input from her.

John pays attention to Natalie's body language, too. Interestingly, throughout the conversation, this usually confident person kept her head and eyes down. Overall, she seemed defeated.

Counseling and Support

After allowing Natalie to finish, John provides support without judgment. He offers to temporarily lighten Natalie's workload, and reassures her that her responsibilities will be waiting for her when she's ready to return to normal. John also makes Natalie aware of the support and resources that are available to her through the company's HR department, such as counseling and financial planning.

Crucially, John keeps the conversation to himself. He lets Natalie know that what she has said will stay between them. He encourages Natalie to keep him updated on the situation and allows her time to go to the counseling sessions that she plans through the company's HR department.

John took note of Natalie's obvious pain and listened empathically. The result: Natalie took just over a month to get better and when she returned at full speed, her work was better than ever – as was her focus, and her loyalty to John, to the team, and to the company.

The role of an empathic listener is to be supportive, kind and caring.

Listen carefully and without judgment. Interject occasionally to show that you've understood what's being said. Where appropriate, repeat key phrases to encourage the speaker to open up.

Pay attention to what's not being said, too. Take note of the speaker's emotional state, their tone of voice, and their body language.

And, when you successfully win their trust and confidence, make sure that you respect it.

Persuasive speaking is a skill that you can apply regularly throughout your life, whether you are selling a product or being interviewed. 2,300 years ago, Aristotle determined the components needed for persuasive speaking. They are referred to as the three pillars of persuasion - ethos, pathos and logos. In this article, we discuss how to use the three pillars for public speaking.

What are ethos, pathos and logos?

Ethos, pathos and logos are modes of persuasion used to convince and appeal to an audience. You need these qualities for your audience to accept your messages.

• Ethos: your credibility and character
• Pathos: emotional bond with your listeners
• Logos: logical and rational argument

Ethos - The Ethical Appeal

Ethos is Greek for "character" and "ethic" is derived from ethos.

Ethos consists of convincing your audience that you have good character and you are credible therefore your words can be trusted. Ethos must be established from the start of your talk or the audience will not accept what you say.

In fact, ethos is often established before your presentation, for example, you may be the CEO of the company you're presenting to so you're already perceived as a specialist.

Why is ethos important?

Characteristics of ethos

There are four main characteristics of ethos:

1. Trustworthiness and respect
2. Similarity to the audience
3. Authority
4. Expertise and reputation/history

1. Trustworthiness and respect

The audience are more likely to be respect you and think that what you're saying is true if they perceive you as trustworthy. This judgement is formed using factors such as:

• Ethics and values
• Honesty
• Principles
• Compassion
• Generosity and sharing
• If you're part of a group that stands for the above values, such as an NSPCC worker

2. Similarity to the audience

Listeners are more likely to be convinced by someone they can relate to. For example, you may share:

• Age and gender
• Values
• Race and culture
• Hobbies
• Career
• Personality etc

If you do not share traits with your audience you can choose to adjust your:

• Attire
• Language
• Mannerisms and gestures
• Visual aids

But don't do too much as your listeners will seen you as not being genuine.

Tony Robbins, a well known authority in the life coaching space, giving a TED Talk on ‘Why we do what we do’.

3. Authority

If the audience perceive that you are an expert they are more likely to be persuaded by what you say. Remember that every presenter has authority because they are the speaker.

For example:

• Political authority e.g. a prime minister
• Educational authority e.g. teacher

4. Expertise and reputation

Expertise is your knowledge of the subject.

Reputation is what your audience knows about your knowledge of the subject.

Reputation depends on:

• Achievements or acknowledgments from others in the area, such as, awards and testimonials.
• Your experience and the amount of years you have worked in this area.
• How involved you were with this topic - are you a key character?
• Your expertise should be verified, for example, you may be talking about different therapy treatments and your expertise is shown by you being a successful Clinical Psychologist.
• Your contribution to the area, perhaps through blogs, books, papers and products.
• Your authority

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Merging the four characteristics of ethos

Not all of characteristics have to be present to develop high ethos, for example, a university lecturer speaking to her students is most likely perceived as trustworthy as the lecturer is known to provide correct information, she has authority over the 18-21 year olds due to her job title and her age.

But she's not similar to her students because of this. She has been working in this area for 30 years and at the university for 5 years (expertise) and has contributed largely to the area through a number of studies and subsequent papers (reputation). This is enough ethos for the audience to be persuaded by what she says.

Another person, such as a manager addressing her employees may have a different combination of these traits but still have enough ethos. It's hard to achieve complete ethos, especially considering that having authority often reduces similarity.

Improve ethos

Authority and reputation are usually predetermined before your presentation so it's difficult to change the audience's mind about this. But it's easier to change people's perception about how trustworthy and how alike you are during the presentation.

Improve ethos day to day:

• Become an expert in the topics you present on because people are more likely to want to listen to someone who has researched a topic for 10 years rather than 2 years.
• Ensure that people know about your expertise by promoting yourself, for example, ensure that people can easily access testimonials, reviews, papers etc.
• Treat the trustworthy characteristics as your values, so practice being honest, ethical, compassionate etc.

Improve ethos before a speech:

• Research your audience, especially concentrating on the traits you share, so you know how to appeal to them.
• Show up early to the presentation venue to show the audience that you want to be there.
• If, for example, you are speaking at a wider event, such as a conference, try to attend as much of it as possible. This means that you and the audience are sharing an experience so they are more likely to perceive you as similar to them.
• If the venue requires information to advertise your presentation, emphasise your ethos in this material so people will know why they should come and see your talk.

Telling personal stories during a presentation is a great way to increase ethos.

Increase ethos during a speech:

• In your introduction draw attention to your ethos because this is the best way to demonstrate your credentials to that particular audience on that particular day. Highlight vital facts that demonstrate the main four traits of ethos but which are relevant to the topic and the audience. Don't make the introduction long and irrelevant.
• Tell personal stories that show the audience that you follow your own recommendations because they are more likely to believe you on other points that cannot easily be confirmed.
• Facts, stats and quotes should be up-to-date and from reputable sources, for example, between choosing from social media or Mind's website to quote a statistic about anxiety, you would choose Mind's website as this has high ethos which in turn increases your ethos.
• Reference people in the audience or previous speakers or events earlier that day. This forms connections with the audience.
• Be unbiased by admitting that you and your opposition's side agree on at least one matter. This highlights that you are credible because you are treating the topic with consideration and fairness.

Improve ethos after the presentation

• Always stay for as long as you can after your speech in case audience members want to speak with you. This will also help with future presentations as it's likely that this will become part of your reputation.
• Stick to your promises, for example, during the questions and answers session you may have agreed to find out an answer to a question and tell everyone - ensure that you do this to be seen as honest.

Pathos - The Emotional Appeal

Pathos is Greek for suffering and experience. Empathy, sympathy and pathetic are derived from pathos.

Pathos is to persuade by appealing to the audience's emotions. As the speaker, you want the audience to feel the same emotions you feel about something, you want to emotionally connect with them and influence them. If you have low pathos the audience is likely to try to find flaws in your arguments.

Why is pathos important?

Emotions are motivators so the audience is more likely to be persuaded and act on your requests by using pathos. Pathos is more likely to increase the chances of your audience:

• Understanding your point of view.
• Accepting your arguments.
• Acting on your requests.

Example of pathos during a speech

Girls Who Code Founder Reshma Saujani explains how one of her students created an algorithm to detect false positives in breast cancer testing after her dad was diagnosed with cancer.

Watch the full video here: Why We Need Women in Tech

Improving pathos

• Choose emotional points and topics, for example "Beat your social anxiety" would trigger more powerful emotions than "Learn how to speak in a group."
• Use analogies and metaphors - linking your ideas with something your listeners already know about and feel strongly about can trigger emotional responses. For example, "They are awful" compared to "They are poisonous." This will use the audience's knowledge that poison is bad and therefore this issue needs to be dealt with.
• Use emotionally charged words, for example, say "This kitchen roll is a life-saver" rather than "This kitchen roll is great". Another way to make a statement more emotional is to use vivid and sensory words which allow the audience to experience the emotion. For instance, "The smell of your grandparents' house" will increase the recollection of hopefully warm memories, and therefore will trigger certain emotions.
• Ensure that the emotion you want to induce is suitable for the context:
  • Positive emotions, such as joy, should be linked with your claims.
  • Negative emotions, such as anger, should be linked to your rival's claims.
• Using humour increases the likelihood that the audience are enjoying themselves and so they are more likely to like you and listen to you.
• Visual aids can sometimes be more powerful than words, for example, showing an image of a scared small child will have more impact than saying that children are often victims of domestic violence.
• Research your audience and find out what their shared values are. Target these values and beliefs because they are strongly associated to emotions.
• Storytelling is a quick way to form an emotional connection. It's often used to link a part of a key message with an emotional response - you'll be familiar with seeing this in adverts asking for charity donations.
• Match what you're saying with your body language, face and eyes. People often mirror emotions so by matching your body language with your words you increase the chances of triggering the desired emotions.
• Also match your voice to your words, for example, if you want to show sadness speak in a soft voice, if you want to show excitement then increase your pace etc.
• Stand as close as you can to the audience so the speech feels more personal - don't hide behind the computer screen.
• Use words that carry suitable connotations, for example, if you asked a group of men whether they would like to be called "tall", "lanky" or "big". Even though the words have essentially the same meaning, the men are more likely to choose the word that has the most positive connotation, in this case the word "tall".
• If you have accidentally caused a negative emotion find out why and apologise. For example, perhaps there have been severe interpersonal conflicts that you were unaware of and a joke you made upset audience members.

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Logos - The Logical Appeal

The word “logic” is derived from logos.

Logos is to appeal to logic by relying on the audience's intelligence and offering evidence in support of your argument. Logos also develops ethos because the information makes you look knowledgeable. Ask the following questions to decide if you have achieved logos:

• Are my messages coherent?
• Does the evidence support my claims?
• Will the audience's actions lead to my desired outcome?

Why is logos important?

Essentially, logical arguments that make sense are not easily dismissed.

Improving logos

1. Be comprehensive: Make sure your points and arguments can be understood
2. Be logical: Ensure that your arguments make sense and that your claims and evidence are not implausible. Have a plan for dealing with opposing viewpoints that your listeners may already believe.
3. Be specific: Base your claims on facts and examples as your arguments will be accepted quicker than something nonspecific and non-concrete. The more easily the evidence is accepted, the more easily the conclusions will be accepted.

Be comprehensive

• Use language that your audience will understand. Avoid jargon and technical terminology.
• Use simple figures and charts to make the presentations more understandable.
• Make the relationship between your evidence and conclusions clear.
• Analogies and metaphors are helpful especially when explaining new ideas and theories.

Engage the audience by asking them questions during your speech to increase logos.

Be logical

• Ensure that the audience is involved by asking them engaging questions. This will make them active listeners so they may even come to your conclusion themselves.
• Talk about opposing views as this allows you to explain why your logical arguments are more reasonable.
• The audience will be using two types of reasoning:
  1. Deductive reasoning is looking at the evidence and coming to a conclusion. For example. "I don't like loud places. That restaurant is really loud. So I won't like that restaurant."
  2. Inductive reasoning is when you add rational pieces, perhaps beliefs, to the evidence and come to a conclusion. The evidence is used to infer a conclusion but the conclusion is not guaranteed. For example: "All the vegan restaurants I have eaten in have been good. This is a vegan restaurant. So it must be good."

The audience are using both types of reasoning as you speak, so their beliefs may interfere with them accepting your conclusions. Overcome these by building your argument on the audience's widely held beliefs - commonplaces. For example, a company's main value and therefore commonplace may be "Compassion makes us the best company".

Use the audience's commonplace like a fact and apply it to a new situation. So if you want to encourage your staff to join a committee, use their commonplace, for example, rather than your belief say: "This committee needs considerate and kind-hearted people."

Be specific

• Facts and stats cannot be debated and they signify the truth.
• Visual evidence, such as, objects and videos are hard to challenge.
• Citing specialists and authorities on a topic increases the quality of your evidence and therefore your claims.
• Tell stories, such as, case studies or personal experiences. The audience would like to hear your own stories if you're a specialist, for example, "When I was excavating in Nottingham..."

There is uncertainty over which pillar is the most important - Aristotle thought that logos was vital but when used by itself it lacks impact. So ensure that you treat all three pillars with equal importance to succeed in persuading your audience.