How to get strangers to leave you alone

It can be uncomfortable or upsetting if someone won’t leave you alone online. The internet and social media mean that we’re always contactable. You might feel like you can’t even get any privacy in your own home.

Steps to take when someone won’t leave you alone online

Continuously messaging someone online counts as harassment. This is a criminal offence.

You don’t owe anyone anything, including your time. Put yourself and your own wellbeing first. Try not to worry about hurting someone’s feelings. You have a right to be left alone.

Ask them to stop

A huge issue with online communication is that we can’t see the other person’s body language. In real life, body language plays a huge part in communication.

If you haven’t explicitly told the person to leave you alone or that you don’t want to talk to them, they might not realise. It is very difficult to understand tone in a message. Ask them once to stop messaging you.

If they continue to message or contact you, this is harassment.

Keep a record of incidents

Save everything related to the event or incident. If you receive harassing messages, save them. You might feel like deleting them, but taking a photo or screenshot could help you to provide evidence and develop safety strategies.

Keep a log of all incidents even if you are not sure if you want to involve the Gardaí. Examples of information you might need include: the date, time, location, Garda details (if reported), witnesses (if any), suspected technology involved (e.g., text, email, etc.), and a brief description of what the abuser did. Find out more about how to collect and save this evidence at the end of the article.

Unfriend or block them

Delete the person off all social media platforms. You can change your privacy settings so that they won’t still have access to your social media updates.

You can also block them on social media. If they are sending texts, you can block their number. Most phones have this feature built into them. You could also contact your network provider.

Report them to the platform

You can report the person to the social media site they are contacting you on. If it violates the site’s terms of service or content guidelines, they may remove the content. However, be sure that you document the abuse first if you want evidence of it.

The social media provider will give you the option to block the person or to continue with a complaint. The person you are reporting won’t know it was you that reported their account.

Let someone else know

Tell someone you can trust about what’s been going on. They might be able to support you or offer advice on what to do. Speak to a parent or family member, a teacher or youth worker, or a counsellor.

If the person who won’t leave you alone online is in your school, college or work, you can report them to a teacher, welfare officer or manager. You deserve to feel safe while you study or work.

Try not to worry about getting them in trouble. You have a right to a safe learning or work environment. Those in authority have a duty to ensure students or employees are safe.

Report them to the Gardaí

Harassment is a crime. If someone won’t leave you alone you are well within your rights to report them to the Gardaí. You can show them the record you kept of the harassment. Even if you don’t press charges, there’s a record there of the harassment.

Think about your safety

Think about your safety first. Report harassment to An Garda Síochána. Protect your location. You can check location sharing on your mobile devices, apps and accounts and update your settings. Consider that in some cases knowing that you are documenting the abuse might escalate the abuse.

How to document evidence

If you are keeping records of online harassment, here are some guidelines you can use to document the evidence.

Text Messages

Take a screenshot or picture. Text messages that are just stored on a phone may be accidentally or automatically deleted. Remember to also take a screenshot of the contact page to capture the abuser’s contact details.

The messages may need to be preserved by your carrier as they are generally only kept for a limited time. If reporting the harassment, also talk to An Garda Síochána about preserving the messages/records.

Social media

Take a screenshot of the harassment/abuse on your computer or device. Some sites offer alternative ways to document activity on the site or on your page. For example, using Facebook’s “Download Your Information” (DYI) feature, you can capture all content and save for later.

Your account information may need to be preserved. If reporting harassment to An Garda Síochána, talk to them about this.

Email

Emails contain IP addresses, which could reveal the identity of the sender. Do not delete or forward the email. Forwarded emails will lose the identifying information needed for evidence.

If saving email content by taking screenshots or printing, be sure to also save the email header, where the IP information is stored. How you access this will vary depending on the email platform you are using (Gmail, Outlook, Yahoo! Mail, etc.).

If you’re concerned that the abuser could access the account and delete emails, then try to print out or take screenshots of the content, including the headers.

Feeling overwhelmed or want to talk to someone right now?

Do you struggle to cope when people leave you alone? Does loneliness eat at you? Can you not help but suffer from the bitter sting of rejection?

This guide will give you 21 ideas to help you manage when other people leave you alone.   

In my role as a life coach, I am always helping people overcome their personal struggles and become stronger versions of themselves.

That’s why I’m keen to share some advice on this topic with you. 

So, let’s dive in.  

What Should You Do When Someone Leaves You?

This guide will be split into two categories; how to cope when someone new leaves you alone and what to do when a long-term companion leaves you alone.

The pain from these moments come from a different place, and the coping strategies should be different too.

What To Do When Someone New Leaves You Alone

Maybe it’s an attractive woman you spoke to in a bar. Perhaps it’s just someone random from a party or social gathering. Either way, here are some steps to get over the pain of them ditching you and leaving you alone.

1. Be Polite 

Remember, this person owes you nothing. You have the right to talk to them, but they have the right to leave the conversation. Perhaps their behavior sparked anger inside you. They may have hurt your feelings by leaving, but a rude comment won’t help the situation.

Any sense of revenge will quickly be replaced with a bitter feeling. Also, who knows what level of confrontation this could spark? Maybe they cause a scene or pull out a weapon? That’s an extreme example, but these things do happen when someone feels disrespected.  

It’s better to politely accept that they don’t want to talk to you.   

Related Content: Don’t Let People’s Words Affect You

2. You Won By Talking To Them

If you were nervous to talk to someone new but still tried it, that’s a massive win for you. You saw what you wanted and went for it. That should be commended. In any account, there’s not much more you could have done. 

3. Stop Telling Yourself Stories About Why They Left

If a person decides to leave you alone, it’s common to tell yourself a bad story about why they left. They must think you’re stupid, ugly or boring, for example.

Ultimately though, you cannot know why someone decided to leave you alone. Maybe they’re married. Maybe their cat died. Maybe they have tremendous social anxiety. You can’t account for any of these possibilities. So, don’t blame yourself. 

4. Realize They’re Not Rejecting You

When someone decides to leave you alone, it can feel like they’re rejecting you as a person.

However, this can’t be possible because they don’t know you as a person. They only know the few minutes of yourself that you decided to show them.

5. Remind Yourself That Not Everyone Is Compatible  

Not everyone is supposed to like you. You’re not supposed to become good friends with everyone. If someone doesn’t get on with you, that’s completely fine. This doesn’t make you a bad person.

6. It’s Their Loss, Not Yours

This is an attitude that a person with high self-esteem might adopt. If you feel upset by someone’s rejection, take a moment to remind yourself how awesome you are.

Related Content: Hacks To Love Yourself

7. Make A Joke About It

An attractive woman rejects you at the bar? Shout “call me!” as she walks away. 

Everyone saw her turn you down? Smile and tell them “she wants me…”

It’s a nice way to boost your mood and remind yourself that life isn’t so serious.

8. Remind Yourself That Everyone Experiences Rejection

If you’re always avoiding rejection, you’re not truly going for what you want in life. 

9. Remember How Many People There Are In This World

If only 1% of people in the world wanted to be your friend, that’s still roughly 79 million people. If only one in a million people wanted to date you, that’s still 7,900 people across the world.

10. Be Present

It’s not good dwelling on what happened with this person or why they didn’t want to talk to you. Get out of your thoughts and into the present moment using these proven methods of emptying your mind.

11. Find Someone Else To Talk To 

This is actually the best way to complete all of these previous steps!

12. Have A Great Time 

If someone doesn’t want to talk, you can still decide to have a great time, whether you’re out with your friends or on your own. This is a social superpower, which can leave you feeling positive emotions all the time. For more on this skill, see my guide titled Don’t Let Anyone Steal Your Joy

What To Do When A Long-Term Companion Leaves You Alone

The following tips will help you to repair your emotions when a good friend or lover decides to walk away from you.

13. Accept That You’re Sad

Bottling up your emotions is one of the worst things you can do. This will only serve to keep these negative emotions inside of you. It’s better to accept and process your own feelings. Take a day or so to mourn your lost relationship. It might be uncomfortable, but this process will have you feeling a lot better in the long run. 

14. Accept That This Person Is Wrong For You 

A break-up can be more painful when you continue to believe that this person was meant to be part of your life. The truth is: if they didn’t want to be with you, they’re the wrong person for you. There’s no such thing as a soulmate who didn’t want you. 

15. When Someone Leaves You Let Them Go

When you keep calling, sending text messages and commenting on their Facebook pictures, dealing with a lost companion becomes harder. 

It’s better to stop bothering them. Stop talking to them. Stop sending text messages. Unfollow their Facebook account, block them on all social media platforms. Give them as much physical space as you can. Cut all contact.

You can learn more about the power of The No-Contact Rule in my guide on Will He Miss Me If I Leave Him Alone?.

16. Spend More Time With Friends And Family Members

Talking with friends and family will cheer you up and help you forget about the person who lost interest in you.

17. Focus On Your Mission

It’s highly recommended to have a life mission, which makes you excited to get out of bed in the morning. This mission should exist independently of your friends, family, romantic relationships and all other people.

When someone decides to walk out on you, it’ll give you more time to focus on this mission. 

18. Make The Most Of Your Free Time

Try a new hobby. Indulge in some self-care. Launch an online side-hustle. Keeping busy will help you move on from this person who left you alone.

19. Level Up!

In my experience, the anger or sadness of losing someone can be a great catalyst for people to improve their lives. So, make the most of this new-found motivation!

20. Put Yourself Out There

It’s time to get out there and make new friends or find a new lover. This might be uncomfortable if you’re a socially anxious person, but it’s the best way to get over losing someone.

21. Realize You Can Find Someone Better 

A lot of the sad feelings from losing a special person stem from the belief that they’re irreplaceable in our lives. The truth is: there are actually plenty of people who can make you feel the same way this person did. Sometimes, there’s a long wait, but you’ll find them. 

If your fear surrounds finding a new person who also wants you, let me recommend my list of low self-esteem solutions.  

Frequently Asked Questions About Being Left Alone

Let’s round off this article with the answers to some frequently asked questions and some important sentiments about being left alone.

What Does It Mean When Someone Leaves You Alone?

You can never really know what’s happening in their mind. So, it’s best not to spend time contemplating it. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter. It’s better to stay positive and move on.

What To Say To Someone Who Is Leaving You?  

Of course, you can ask what you did to make them want to leave. Maybe they’ll answer and you can try to figure things out. Perhaps they won’t give you the real answer, or it could be that they won’t answer at all. 

Either way, once they’re gone, it’s best not to speak to them again. 

When Someone Leaves You When You Need Them Most

It’s a horrible feeling. Hopefully, you have other friends or family members to support you. If not, I know you can be strong enough to deal with this problem alone.

I Wish Everyone Would Leave Me Alone   

It’s OK to be feeling like this now and again, but perhaps you’re underestimating how helpful support from a friend could be right now…

How To Make People Leave You Alone?

A few polite words explaining why you’d like some space will usually do the trick. 

Can You Tell Someone Leaving You Alone?

Yes, you can politely tell someone to leave you alone. A good person should respect your wishes and give you some space. 

Any More Questions? 

Thanks for reading my guide. I hope you listen to this advice, and that it helps you to deal with whatever social situation is hurting your feelings.

Please do send this article to a friend who needs to hear this message, or anyone who you think might be interested to read it. 

I’d like to hear what you think about this topic. If you have a question or a point to make, get in contact by writing a message in the comments section below. 

I’ll do my best to respond to your message and offer my support as quickly as possible.