How to be happy alone during pregnancy

It's really sad that Tommy's research has found a link between stress and stillbirth, and I'm so grateful to Tommy's for funding this vital work - which hopefully will prevent others from going through what I did. I had a very stressful pregnancy right from the beginning; I had an IUD and was in a new relationship, so it was a huge surprise when my period was late and I found out that I was pregnant!

Fear, uncertainty and stress

I booked an appointment at my local early pregnancy to have my coil removed. During the procedure, I found out that I had a pregnancy in an unknown location; because I’d had the IUD in before, they weren't sure if it was ectopic. I had to wait 48 hours for blood test results and another scan to confirm that the pregnancy was in the right place.

My boyfriend at the time reacted very badly to the pregnancy and did not want me to go through with it. He didn't come to any of the early hospital scans with me, and let me down last minute before a scan I had at 7 weeks to see if there was a heartbeat. He then broke up with me around that time, so I was also struggling to come to terms with the fact that I was going to be a single mum. 

After we broke up, he constantly would tell me that I was ruining his life and threatened to 'take the baby away as soon as you've finished breastfeeding' - then, seemingly randomly, would have a change of heart and decide he wanted to be supportive and involved. He made comments about the fact that my bump was very small and said that I wasn't looking after myself, when I was actually really stressed and lost my appetite.

This made me feel very unsettled during my pregnancy. I was living in London and still in my probationary period at work, so had to keep the pregnancy a secret from all my colleagues, which was difficult when I felt very sick in the early stages.

Something didn’t feel right

When I was 25 weeks pregnant, I had the best week of my pregnancy as I’d cut him off and stopped contacting him, but then one day I woke up feeling like I wasn’t pregnant anymore. I felt really energetic and it seemed like my bump had shrunk so I left work to go to hospital.

They found a heartbeat quickly but asked me to go back the following day for a growth scan. At the growth scan, which I went to by myself, they found that there was no amniotic fluid and the baby wasn’t moving around. They booked me into another appointment the following day with a consultant, and I brought my mum with me.

After a really detailed scan, they took me and mum into the quiet room to say they’d found that the baby hadn’t really grown since my 20-week scan and was barely moving due to no amniotic fluid. They told me it was very likely my baby would die over the weekend, so offered me a termination for medical reasons - which I turned down; I said that I wanted the baby to make up her mind.

I went back home to Worthing with my mum and contacted the hospital to let them know I might be in over the weekend to deliver a stillborn baby. Then for the next 2 weeks I was in and out of hospital having progress scans to check on the baby to see whether she was alive. It was such a difficult time.

No heartbeat

On 4 July, I had my final growth scan. I'd grown quite big and thought I was feeling more movement, which made me hopeful, but couldn’t stop being sick because I was so nervous. As soon as the doctor scanned me, I knew something was wrong, because there was no movement on the screen where the heartbeat should be.

I asked if my baby had died, and the doctor solemnly confirmed that she had. It was the most shocking moment of my life. 

The next day I went to the antenatal clinic to have the pill to stop symptoms of pregnancy, then had to wait for 2 days before labour was induced. On 7 July 2018, I gave birth to Hope, with my mum by my side, and my dad came in to see her after. It was the most awful sad moment of my life.

The day after, we had a naming ceremony at the hospital with my sister, dad and mum. Then Hope was taken to Chestnut Tree House, a children's hospice, where we could spend time together and make some memories. We invited the baby’s dad to her funeral so that I could have closure, and he told me that if I'd just had an abortion this wouldn’t have happened; I gave him a few home truths and told him never to contact me ever again.

Searching for answers

In September 2018, we met with a consultant, who told us that the stillbirth had happened due to blood clotting in the placenta and it shouldn’t happen again. It's taken me a really long time to come to terms with what happened. I still feel so sad that it even happened, particularly because it has made my relationships with friends who are pregnant or who’ve had a baby quite strained at times.

But I've met someone new - someone I’ve known since we were 12 years old - and we're just about to celebrate a year together. I have also qualified as a secondary school French and Spanish teacher and I’m really enjoying my new job. In many ways everything has started to work itself out, and now I’m sharing my story to support others; I don’t want anyone going through what I did to feel alone.

I look forward to the time that I am actually able to hold my baby, alive and healthy. I currently just can’t see that happening and won’t believe it until it does.

Pregnancy is one of the most beautiful phases of any woman’s life. It brings a lot of positivity, joy, and hope. Pregnant women are at a higher risk of negative feelings, and even depression, due to hormonal changes that affect their state of mind. Excessive worrying and negative feelings might start taking a physical, mental and emotional toll on a pregnant woman and her baby’s health. However, by being a positive person, one gets to focus on the changes happening in their lives and cope with all the stress that comes along during this phase better.

It is essential that you keep yourself positive and happy during all three trimesters. This directly affects the baby’s development. A lot of studies indicate that the happier a woman is during the pregnancy, the lower the chances of the baby facing mental and physical health challenges. It is a time when you experience various anxieties as well. Hence, you have to ensure that all efforts are taken to channelise only positive energy during this time.

Simple Ways to Keep Yourself Happy During Pregnancy

Below are some ways of staying positive during pregnancy:

1. Take Each Day as It Comes

You should always live in the moment and focus on the baby. This helps deal with the situation at hand rather than non-existent problems. Keeping the focus on happiness during this time helps you take on all the struggles that come up during this phase.

2. Healthy Lifestyle

As the pregnancy progresses you will begin to experience lethargy and fatigue due to the physical and hormonal changes which take place. Once you get into this phase, it is important that you start maintaining a healthy lifestyle. This can be in the form of exercising, eating right and being mentally alert. All these should be incorporated into your lifestyle as it will impact the development of the baby positively. A healthy and wholesome diet provides you with energy (physical & emotional) you require during this crucial time.

3. Practice Meditation & Yoga to Keep Away from Negativity

You may want to join yoga and meditation sessions. The effect of these practices is bound to make you feel rejuvenated, stronger and happier. Breathing exercises will flush out the inner baggage and help keep the mind away from negative thoughts, words and actions.

This is an interesting phase of any woman’s life. Hence, it will be exciting to pen down your emotions and feelings. One can maintain a journal or a diary where they can jot down their thoughts. Many women write blogs or do vlogs to chronicle their journey and have an outlet to express their emotions.

5. Be Involved in Preparations for the Arrival of Your Baby

The activities which are carried on during this phase should be relished so that they bring excitement as you wait for the arrival of the baby.

6. Pamper Yourself

This time is perfect to indulge in pampering yourself. You should enjoy spas and massages, get pedicures and other body massages, etc. It will bring you immense pleasure during pregnancy. However, make sure that any treatments you indulge in are safe during pregnancy

7. Enjoy your Heightened Senses

During pregnancy, your senses are more enhanced and provide you with an opportunity to experience life in a whole new light take a visit to the local park. Pay attention to the scent of the flowers, the birds chirping in the distance or a squirrel darting across to get to the tree. The heightened senses that you have acquired will help you bring in positivity.

8. Delegate Work

It is essential that you ask for help wherever required and start delegating work to your family members in order to focus more on your health and the arrival of the baby.

9. Read Up and Stay Self-informed

Reading about pregnancy, the various stages and changes that it will be bringing to your life will make it easier for you to cope with your pregnancy as you will know what to expect.

10. Prepare for Parenting

Take this time to educate yourself about parenting. Motherhood is a rewarding experience, but only for those who are mentally prepared and aware of the challenges. Research, read books and spend time with experts and other mothers. You will feel a sense of growing satisfaction and happiness in knowing that you’re better prepared for the future. The best part about reading material on parenting is that it diverts your mind towards imagining what your unborn child might be like.

11. Make Time to Connect with Your Baby

As the baby grows within you, there is a bond which develops between you and the baby. You can make a daily ritual of singing to the baby, talk to the baby, breathe and connect with the baby.

12. Go With the Flow

You would have thought about where and how you want to go in for labour. However, it may not work out the way exactly you had planned. Your approach should be flexible, prepare yourself for all kinds of possibilities and keep an open mind.

13. Shopping for the Baby

Shopping for the baby and setting up the nursery can be fun, but it should not overwhelm you. Always keep in mind that the baby just needs basics like food, shelter, clothes, and diapers. Many people do not prefer shopping for the baby beforehand, but you can always prepare for your baby’s arrival if you wish to.

14. Evaluate your Life

With changing times, your priorities in life also shift. It is important that you indulge in soul searching and evaluate your life to better adjust to the changes you’re currently facing and will be facing in your future.

15. Reconnecting With Your Parents

This is the best time to improve your communication with your parents. Sharing their understanding of how they brought up their kids is sure going to prove helpful.

16. Spice Up Your Sex Life

Along with being an important phase of your relationship, pregnancy is also a time to enjoy your body. Your hormones change and senses are heightened. So, it is a great time to get creative and enjoy your sex life for a positive impact on your mental health.

17. Make New Friends

You may check with your hospital or community centre to interact with other pregnant women to share experiences with them and make new friends who are going through or have gone through the same phase in life for a feeling of belonging.

18. Be Prudent

Plan for your finances in advance. Once the baby arrives there will be a shift in expenses and your worry might increase as your due date comes closer, resulting in a feeling of negativity.

19. Manage Your Health

This is a time when you should try and aim for a systematic weight gain so as to avoid growing negativity towards your body. If you are overweight or have a pre-existing medical condition such as thyroid or diabetes then you should consult your doctor immediately and address these. This will ensure that the baby is born healthy as well.

20. Prenatal Massage

If performed in the right manner prenatal massage can help you relax, ease out a backache, swellings and improving circulation. Make sure to approach a certified masseuse for the same

From the time that you get to know that you are pregnant, your life changes manifolds. Some of the aspects of life will return to normal once the pregnancy is over, but it is true that your old life will never come back completely. The most important thing is to realize this and move on and look forward to a new chapter of your life.

Also Read: Top Motivational Pregnancy Quotes and Sayings